My second day working nights, so I come home to an empty house and on CAW's nitestand lays this letter.
Quote: Ken,
There are so many things going on in my head right now. But I am pretty sure that you know that already.
Saying things out loud are very hard to do. That is why I chose to write my feelings down. First, you must realize that I am very unhappy. Why? Sometimes the reasons aren't quite clear to me. I know that things can't stay the way they are. Something has to change. Don't you agree?
Every day I can see how much further we are drifting apart. We have both changed, and now I feel that we just aren't meant to be together anymore. Don't get me wrong. This is very hard for me to admit. I know that I have changed the most. The more I look at me, the more I realize that it is time to move on.
You once asked me if I still loved you. I do love you. I care what happens to you. I don't want to hurt you. However, I am no longer in love with you. Yes, we have had our ups and downs. But I feel that I can no longer ride this rollercoaster. The changes from up to down are me sick. I mean mentally, of course.
Unfortunately, I can not tell you when my feelings changed. Do I think that the last 22 years have been a waste of time? NO WAY!! You have taught me so much. You showed me that love can be had. You have been my friend for half of my life. Is this hard? You bet you're ass.
I just feel that we have tried long enough. All I see now is a brick wall that I keep running into. It's time to go around that wall. I'm not sure of all the details, but I do know that a separation should be our next stop. Will it be tough, yes. Scary? Yes. An adventure? No doubt. Can we do it? Yes, I believe that we can. I feel that we must, before we drift so far apart that we can't even be friends anymore. I know that we need to talk. And I know there will be a lot of crying. Please, let's not make this a screaming match or a blame game. This is something I feel that I need to do at this point in my life. Please, help me reach my goal. Please understand that you will never be out of my life. We share too much.
Let's talk.
Two years and three months later, I right back to square one. I could really use some guidance. I'm fine. Really. Not even all that upset. As she said the writing has been on the wall. I just don't know what approach I should take from here? I wasn't ready yet for Plan B!!! and I just don't know how much fight I have left in me. I'm tired. I haven't slept in nearly 24 hours. I'm going to bed. I need to get some sleep but I will try to wake up before she comes home in time to see if I can some wisdom on how to handle this.
