What a day. Pretty sure it was terrible DB from the get go. Went to grad. Sat behind the husband of ws bff. I introduced myself and he said "oh you're cheesyt I've heard amor about you" and I did "oh no" and he laughed and said "oh no just good things" - not making anything of it. Got emotional at one point. w made a speech (all classmates picked one person, she was it) she thanked our D, her family, talked about what a difficult two years it was. After grad we took some pictures. Then to eat. I asked w if it was ok I came. She said yes. We had lunch. Decent convo. As always we just got eachother. Had a moment (I think) I wrote her a card that I gave her between grad and driving to lunch. While we paid our checks she said "thank you for the card" Me- oh you read it already W - yes. - she gave me this half smile half frown Tugged at my heart strings.
After that they were all headed to MILs house I asked w if it was ok I joined. She said if I wanted to. I joined and we all kind of just layer around. Ws BFF is having a party at her house. Everyone but me was invited. That sucked. I got a chance to talk to w before she left. I gave her a hug and told her I was proud of her. Not sure how it started but we had a R and M talk... W said I wasn't invited because I make her feel weird and awkward .(I know an issue was Im not super social. I'm working on that with gal and stuff.) That one day I want to come in and say hi and others I just leave without a word. W said the more I act like I don't want to be around the more I push her away and the less she cares. (I did think she was mirroring my behavior a couple of weeks ago) W also said if I don't make an effort to be in her life she won't either. I told her I care but that I want our m,I said I understand our old marriage is dead and we could possibly have a new one. W said she's not ready for that yet. I said I understand and I cannot wait forever and I need to move on. W said she understands. w says she wants better communication though. W told me she was upset I went to visit my family, that they are still her family and that what if she wanted to send something for our niece or my little brother. She said in a very loud assertive tone "she's my niece too and I love them!" I said well you left them and she said no I didn't You just won't talk to me have to text your sister to know anything about them because you won't tell me. So basically wife wants to be some type of friends. I re iterated we are not friends and we will not be friends unless we R. I concluded with lets not get ahead of ourselves and say we are friends because I'm only interested in being M but I am Ds parent so is W and I do see how while we figure stuff out we can have better communication. I told her I wanted her to bring me around her friends (I know terrible DB but in my defense, the way I got her to fall in love the first time was Cus I followed and invited myself with her and her friends and was sociable and nice and kind and not pushy...idk that this will happen again but idk) w said ok we can start there but don't think we are working toward R. I said nope I know where you stand and you know where I stand.
Well as I was typing this W called. She said she wanted me to know she's dating someone and that she wanted me to hear it from her. I said I know you've been dating around its not news. And she said I know But this is the first time I'm telling you I was just sitting here thinking about it and thinking and I need to be clear there is no chance of R so I hope you have no hopes. I said "I have no hopes for R now" and W said I also don't see us hanging out socially because my friends know I'm dating and they'd met you before. Wow. W said she doesn't want any of our interactions forced. That if I want to call her to call her and if she wants to talk to me she will.
Makes me think this is serious now. Since she finally admitted to dating someone. I was just feeling good. Pretty sure it's OW from school.
What a day. Never a dull moment with W. Not sure which direction to take. Continue down my pushing her away and her mirroring this action or what the heck?
