It's been a hard few weeks. I don't think it reveals to much to share that I happen to work at the bank that has been in the news every day of the last week. Good times. I have my own opinions on what happened and who was at fault, but this isn't really the right forum. What is relevant is the impact it's had on me. Business has come to an absolute stop.
It's pretty fatiguing. I was in the mortgage business in 07-08, and went through a very difficult couple of years due to the financial crisis. I joined with this bank and found a nice career path, but now years later the waves formed from that meltdown are still washing over me. I still have my job, but there is a fine line between being unemployed and being in a sales job when there is no business. My income was already down 40% this year, but I have been very committed to seeing it through to the end of the year to see what the 2017 goals and compensation plan looked like. But right now I'm not even sure I can make it that long, both because I'm not getting paid and because I'm losing faith that better days are coming anytime soon. Not to mention that on a day by day basis it's pretty hellish. I've kicked it up a gear in terms of effort a number of times this year, but it seems like the adversity continues to increase at a higher rate.
In the end, though, I just can't see walking away from 8 years of tenure and 2 years invested in this line of work without at least seeing what's around the corner. So I'm pretty sure I can grind it out until 12/1 when they announce some of the restructures they are talking about. From there I might have to cut bait, but what they put together may be acceptable and possible. I know they can't afford to lose all of their good employees, so I'll give them the chance to keep me. Right now I feel like I'm scratching each day off like I'm serving a sentence. My boss is grinding me every day for business, which is absurd given the situation, but I have to keep the happy face and keep beating my head against the wall trying to squeeze water from a rock.
Then there's the move. I need to move. I live 20 minutes from my kids' schools, they get out at different times. With 50% parental time I just have to be closer, it's prohibitive right now to get them dropped off and picked up, and it gets worse when they want to do extracurricular activities. My dad was trying to help me get a loan, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen now. His credit union wanted to approve it, but my ex has fallen behind on the mortgage which is still in my name as recently as July/August, and while they understand the situation, it's pretty hard for someone to sign off on approving something like that. If the new loan defaulted that would be a pretty hard decision to explain. I'm a bit bummed. I had a place lined up to rent 4 months ago but my dad talked me out of it because he said he wanted me to buy. He originally said he would buy it and let me rent from him, but then his accountant told him due to mortgage interest deductions for me (one of the main reasons to buy vs. rent) and complications with doing it as an investment property (capital gains, bigger down requiring penalties on liquidating funds, etc) we needed to keep my name on the loan. Not sure that's possible now. The loan officer said she's trying to escalate the denial for a second consideration, but I'm not very optimistic. So I'm not sure what we do from here. I told my dad 4 months ago when he offered to help that XW had shot my credit and if my name was on the application it wouldn't get done, but he was very insistent that I not rent and he'd make it happen. I regret not renting the place, but who knows, maybe they do get the decision overturned, or maybe he finds some way to just buy it in his name. I don't know, I'm just so tired of having this hang over my head. It was on hold until now because we needed the divorce decree for the loan to be reviewed. But in the meantime my three kids share a room still and now my mom is sleeping on the futon.
Bottom line, the place is too small, too far away, my job is miserable, and I'm negative cash flow at a serious rate. Top it off, I got sick as a dog, but I'm pounding dayquil because the kids needed to get picked up and I just couldn't call in to work because my numbers are so bad I feel obligated to bleed daily until things turn around.
I just keep reminding myself these are temporary problems. I know that in time, whether it's 3 months, 6 months, or a year, but in time...in time...I know it will work out. I am an absolute rock star employee. As painful as this period is, at some point I'll be in a situation where I have the opportunity to succeed. And whether I rent or purchase, at some point I'll move, and will have more room, and less logistical stress. And at some point I'll be able to pay my bills. I know this will come to pass. And even in the meantime, my kids are eating, the sun still rises, there's always plenty to be appreciative.
But I do look forward to this chapter of my life to be over. I keep thinking I'm almost out of the thick of it, but it just goes to show that you never know how much life will throw at you. We'll see. Sorry for being a downer, I'm not depressed or anything, I'm just going through a lot. I remember my IC told me that he was proud of me because I am handling my problems better than I used to. I guess I'll try to end on that positive note.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
