without that connection, I really can't find the energy in me to find it with someone I don't click with right away.
THIS is the tricky part. If you only go for guys that you feel that "instant connection" with - well, many of those will be people you have that feeling with because they trigger your childhood imprints of abandonment.
All those "nice guys" you felt no spark for? Some of them may not have been for you, but some may have been perfect but didn't trigger that unhealthy imprinted pattern from childhood.
Yes, you have to have some sparks in order for a relationship to work; but those sparks don't ALWAYS start at the first date. And the guys you DO feel that instant connection with, may actually be the ones you most need to avoid.
I have a friend whose father wasn't an alcoholic, but her beloved uncle and grandfather were. She also suffered the loss of a parent in early childhood. I can almost guarantee you, if she meets someone at a party or from online that she feels some spark for - he will turn out to be an alcoholic! Her unhealthy childhood leads her to them every single time, even if it's totally not obvious in the beginning.
So - not saying you have to continually date boring guys you feel nothing for, but consider at least giving some of those guys a chance. The eager guys, the ones who think you're fantastic, the ones who make dates in advance: try them.
