Strong woman not so strong

[cat04]

Bee,

I keep finding myself drawn to your thread but can't seem to figure out what exactly I want to say...(quiet bonehead society...)

I read your whole thread and I am floored and disgusted by both of your therapists...IMO, therapists should be supportive, help people establish goals, and figure out how to achieve those things...

I noticed that you were much more detatched prior to the vacation with your H and I can completely understand that...

I would like to see you strive to get back to that place...

I would also like to caution you about "disguising" your anger/frustration by making it about your kids. While our kids always end up being our biggest trigger, we need to be sure that we are not nitpicking as a way to release our other emotions...

You and your H are parents. Neither of you, together or not, will always parent the way that the other likes. Because you and your H are NOT one person. So things he does that you don't like, are still his way of parenting. The best thing you can do in most instances is try to help your children learn how to navigate their relationship with their father and manage their own feelings about it. Your sons are about the same age my S was at bomb time. They are old enough to see the bigger picture and find their way to deal with it. Keep your door open to them, help them with their feelings, and let them decide the best way to manage their R with their father. I know it isn't fair and it isn't what you want to hear but it is the best thing for all involved.

Based on your writings, I can see how your H might feel that he was simply the "executor" of your decisions. I understand that someone has to make the decision about how things are going to be, look, happen...however, when one person makes all of the decisions, and the other person does not feel that they have a voice in those decisions, it is easy to say the other person is controlling.

That is something else that I think you may want to look at.

I too am a planner. It's an easy way to know what is going to happen and what it is going to look like. Unfortunately, some people aren't planners, and some things simply can't be planned.

I think it's ok to plan for YOU and possibly your children, but to plan for others, unless they want you to...is not allowing them to act as functioning adults...

Ok, I guess I did find some stuff to say, although it isn't as coherently discussed as I would have liked...

I hope maybe a dialogue has been opened though...

Have a great weekend...I'm officially on vacation in 12 and a half hours...YEA!!!!!

Will try to check in though....