Quote: I’ve been accused of victim mentality. I’ve been told that I’m a great guy, and that I could easily find someone else. I’ve been told that if my love for my W hurts me so much, then why not just stop loving her? If love is a choice, then logically, it goes both ways. Either my W can start loving me, or I can choose to stop loving her.
Perhaps that’s the ultimate 180. But to be honest, KAW, I think the past 25 years are too deeply ingrained in me. I honestly don’t believe that putting all of that behind me would make me happier. I’m not happy, KAW. Make no mistake about that. But I also know that I wouldn’t be happier if W left the house. She thinks I would. “Out of sight, out of mind,” I guess. But she’s not a goldfish that I can just flush down the toilet and get a new one.
Sorry, KAW. I’m rambling a bit. Not sure where I’m trying to go with this.
I kinda think I do ... How does the choice to stop loving CAW going to make me happy? I've loved her for 23 years and that love is part of what makes me happy. That love never waned, just how I expressed it. To add to that, to walk away from that love after 23 years would make me feel like a failure? Right or wrong, it is how I would feel? How would that make me happy? But Andy, is that clouding our vision of how we see our future? Is it a true basis to which to hold hope against that once again our S's will feel as they once did or is it an illusion we are deceiving ourselves with? Andy, I'm so sorry that you have not been able to make any headway in your sitch. I don't wish to see you taking up a permanent residence in Limboland. You've been here far too long as it is.
You got my number, pal!
But I don’t believe what I want is clouding my vision of the future. To be frank, KAW, I’m intentionally deceiving myself. Intellectually, I know my chances of piecing my M together are slim.
It can be argued that false pride is keeping my mind in the past. If it’s over, then the best thing for all concerned would be for me to let go. W has changed. I have changed. End of story. We had a good run, but it’s over.
Call it pride if you like, but There’s one basic value that I can’t shake. It has always been my core belief that the most important thing in my world is my family, and an huge part of that is my M. It can be argued that if my M is causing pain to me and my W, then it can’t be good. Not for me. Not for my W. Not for our kids. Better to leave it in the past and move on.
It’s hard to counter these arguments, KAW. I don’t have the words to counter them. All I can say is that I love my W, and to force myself to look at her negatively… To force myself to stop loving her would be false to my own beliefs. DB is about changing yourself, not destroying all you believe in.
I’m not trying to foist my values on you, KAW, but I just have a gut feeling that you feel kinda the same way.
