Eagle11 - Wow, I just caught up. Have not had time or been with you since my comment on page 1 of the thread. Brother, you are getting some amazing advice - I am too and from the same actors. The following quip from 3Beans stood out for me:
"Practice things you are going to say. I mean it practice, say them outloud to yourself. Have a PLAN of how you are going to respond instead of letting your instinct take over, because your instinct wants to remind her with little barbs that you are hurting and this suckss. AND yes it suckss (haha censor!). But you are going to show her that you are making the best of a bad situation with grace and dignity."
You know Eagle11, I still practice what I am going to say, with one difference - it's not just to my spouse, but for me. What am I going to say to me in times where I feel challenged by my spouse, by others, by the self? What is my plan of action in those moments? What is the recovery plan if I begin down a road that I feel lost on? Or, even more important, after a lethal inquisition of the self following a much needed MACH1 challenge - what is my plan to change my instincts from one form to another - can I actually change instinct? The answer is yes, you can. I am not there yet to full capacity, but it can be begun, and I can choose to make it permanent. You - Eagle11 - can change the question as opposed to adding on to your current behavior. That is an important statement - you can change the question as opposed to adding on to your current behavior. You can my friend.
Eagle11 - what I personally see about the genius of DB; all these posts, reading the books twice, watching the videos, exploring other models -the genius of DB'ing is that it offers only one valid outcome for all these different variables. If you do the DB correctly, it is all about you being a better you. Not MWD nor any old poster here guarantees that this will results in us ending up with the women we fell in love with, had kids with, married. No, but what they guarantee is that if you listen, if you believe, if you put in the work, that hope and belief in ourselves - in our self - can be rebuilt. You can do this. I can do this. Those with signature dates years before us did this.
I believe in you, you believe in you. Eagle11 - Apollo11's lunar lander? One small step for man? You are the man Eagle11. I will be out for a bit after tonight, have a long weekend of paper writing and my son's birthday party, plus next 4 nights with him. Wanted to check your sitch, remind you that you are a leader, and that you have every right to chime in on my deal too. Be cool, be well. With you dude.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6