Confused on What to Do 2

[ericmsant2]

Eagle

First off, I think AndrewP’s post above is directed to YOU not me.

I just read your post and thanks for letting me read it.

I hope you also read the post I wroter earlier #2704349 at 06:24 AM.

Every time I read your posts it gets me so motivated and the doubts seem to go away. Unfortunately right now they still creep back in.

Dude, you are getting a lot of stuff thrown at you. For what it is worth….you’re doing pretty good, given that you joined on 8/25/16. It took me a long long time to accept that I was scared chitless – you’ve done that in a matter of weeks. So as hard as some of us can be on you - be gentle on yourself.

Okay….now on to the much tougher chit….

Eagle – I’ve read your posts…all of them. You remind me so much of myself. Paralyzed by fear. Before I point out a few things, I think you should read my story. Maybe Cadet can post links to them.

Just to confirm, I believe you are still a stay at home dad – right?

If this is indeed the case, well then brother – I’d like to commend YOU! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for moving the fatherhood cause along. I mean it.

Question: What type of work/income did you have in your 1st marriage and when you and your W were dating? Did you ever establish a career? From your post I gathered that you have been a stay at home dad since 2010. Correct?

Question: What was your childhood like?

In reading your story a few things popped out at me. Things that I believe can be addressed and set you on a much more positive course.

I am on my 2nd marriage. My first one lasted only 2 years and ended because my w cheated on me.

I suspect that the result of your first W cheating on YOU was never really addressed. Having had someone cheat on me, I know how much of a hit ones self confidence takes. So I wonder, were you confident as a child? Did you self esteem issues as a kid? How did you handle the first divorce?

As for why I say self confidence….this is why…

He obviously makes good money where I make none. He is retired from the Army or Marines so is probably more of man's man than I am.

First off, no one is more of a man that YOU. No one. Actually we are all different. You, me, J3B, Mach, Drew, Mr Bond….all of us are different. Neither “more of” or “better than” the other. It is a gift that each of us has – our own uniqueness. Remember – You brother are just like me…Unique in YOUR own way.

From where I sit…YOUR W is truly in a life crisis. So as hard as it is. I cannot stress enough HOW YOU MUST MAKE THIS, EVERY ACTION, EVERY DECISION…about YOU and what is GOOD for YOU and YOUR children. You must completely DETACH.
Your W has asked for a divorce 3 times, she has multiple OM, she has had EA’s, she has kissed one of the men (at least that you know of), by her own admission she has cheated in past relationships, she spends 1-2 hrs a day with the kids and even after all of this, she seems confused . This sounds to me like she is totally in a crisis mode.

These statement alone…

She said she wants me to continue to live at the house and take care of the kids just like nothing changed.

I should also mention that when she says she wants a divorce she doesn’t want anything to change.

Soooo reminds me of my ex. She wanted me to cook, clean, help the kids with homework, pick up, drop off, do laundry and then leave when she came home. They really just confirm that your W is more than likely on the crisis express. You cannot fix HER.

I am happy that you acknowledge that you are afraid.

I know I am consumed by fear, I just have to figure out a away to believe in myself. I have been consumed by fear for a long time in my life and it took something like this to make me realize it.

She never told me about this and I only discovered it when I found the lawyers business card one day a couple of months after the appointment took place. I never mentioned this to my wife because I think I was scared .

I understand that I have been weak with her and not wanted conflict. I just hate conflict

YOU see those three quotes up there ^^^^^^ I want you to KNOW that YOU can CHANGE these behaviors. YOU DO NOT have to live in FEAR.

I actually wonder if you are afraid to get angry.

I also suspect that the fact that you do not work has you worried about how you can continue to take care of your kids. Buddy….You will be OKAY man. You will. Your kids will be okay. Do not use them as an excuse to not face your demons (for the record I did it for a long time).

Question: Are you still in GA?

Question: Do you have a journal?

I have a lot more to say…err…write..but I wanted to give you a little homework assignment.

1) Pick up a journal – something to write in. Let me know when you do.
2) Post what your childhood was like.
3) Read my story. You can search by poster name..so look up ericmsant2 my name has never changed. Select the option “Topics created”.
4) Go on that hike – take the kids with you – even if it is only for an hour.
5) Answer the questions that I posted above

Finally, I sooooo wished you could see what I see in your post and in YOU. I see so much HOPE, so much positivity in YOUR sitch. I see you becoming everything you’ve ever wanted to be.

Have a good night.