My self worth seems to bounce all over these days. We should never let others define it. But constant rejection makes you question yourself. I keep asking if there is something wrong with me, and not to sound conceited, but I can't figure it out. Of course I've got flaws and I mess up a lot, but I am human, and other humans don't have the love track record I do.
Others are not defining your self worth Ginger.... You are.... Rejection can do this to us, but there are good habits and things to be aware of that can change the way we think and project with this. My d18 is teaching me this now as she embarks on her journey and challenge with how rejection has affected her. Google "Get Rejected more" read Trespicio
Love track record? The is definitely a projection statement as you know in your heart that you can not compare to others as you have no way of knowing others challenges with this. This is a time for you to look inward and you will untangle test thoughts and feelings my dear Ginger.
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I did realize I have never had a successful romantic relationship. I don't define success as long lasting or never ending. My ex and I were a train wreck from the beginning to end. My others have not been real relationships, basically based on friendship, sex, and convience. exNG was more than that, there was love, but it was also dysfunctional from the beginning. he was in and out so many times, pretty much confused and always acting on his confusion. There was just no points of success in any romantic R's I've ever had.
You see the issues looking back. This will help you looking forward. And as you say, "Successful romantic relationship" how is this truly defined? You get to define it. Now you have experience to better define it for yourself now.
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I give others relationship advice and I have never had a healthy one myself. When people say I idealize, it's because that's all I have to go on. What I think would look and feel right and healthy to me.
Sometimes the best advice is based on what not to do. You have learned from this. You share it with others. I believe that your intent is good. Your explanations and advice are sincere IMO. This is good. What is wrong with idealizing it? If that is how you define it for you, then you must create the person in yourself to attract it. You know what you want. Now become what you want and you will attract it....
Everything that's coming into your life, you are attracting into your life. And it's attracted to you by virtue of the images you're holding in your mind. It's what you're thinking. Whatever is going on in your mind you are attracting to you!Bob Proctor
You have learned many lessons in what some may call a difficult way. Do you want to know a secret? Most successful people learned their lessons in the same manner.
You have not failed at love.....unless you give up.
Have you viewed the Ted Talk by Tracey McMillan?
This is a great place to start and create the YOU, that will attract exactly what you want in a love relationship. No matter how idealized you may dream it.
I have said it before and I will say it again. I believe strongly that you are good people......
Keep pushing and you will find that which you are seeking in a relationship my dear Ginger.
(((((Ginger)))))
I often do wonder how to start attracting what I want. Am I sending off the wrong vibe? I really don't know.
I do know exactly what I want. What I do wonder if I want in an R actually exists. I do know that no R is perfect, there will always be areas where couples differ or disagree. I never want to let someone go because things aren't the way I want to be. I know there is compromise and sacrifice for the good things in life, but I haven't found anyone willing to do compromise and sacrifice the way I do for others. I will give my all. I did so with my ex and got nothing in return and I think that is what repeats.
I do not meet men often, I do not date often. I am also way picky (doesn't seem so, but I am). Must love kids, must know I am a package deal, and without that connection, I really can't find the energy in me to find it with someone I don't click with right away.
What is a successful relationship? Well, I don't know. But I know there are successful points in relationships. Where things are going well, conflicts are handled well, both parites are happy and headed in the same direction. I have never been headed in the same direction with my partners.
I have alone longer than almost anyone I know, on here, or IRL to be single. To be doing it all on my own for so long. Somedays I think I am just going to break emotionally. In the same breath, I am not so needy that I will chose anyone.
Yes, I have learned everything the hard way my life. Any mistake I have made, no matter how minor, has come with a hard lesson. I listen and pay attention to all of them. The karma bus always slams into me. Nothing has every come easy, and I am used to it. So I work hard. Heck, even having a baby was an incredibly grueling difficult emotional and physical process. We couldn't just have sex the normal way, lol.I am not playing victim, it's just the way life has been and I have adapted well. I like to think I am making changes with each R from the lessons I learn, and one day, I will get it right.
I think you are good people too, SH. I read your thread. Youa re very insightful, down to earth, and really do learn from lessons. You breakdown everything that happens and see what you can take from it. I really, really admire that.
