Mules-- I appreciate all that you wrote. It's thoughtful and insightful. There is indeed something common to human nature, and similar problems repeat. But it also sounds like good things also happen afterward, commonly.
If I did not have kids, I would have divorced. Completely disconnected from W and tried to recover. But with two fairly young kids, I just am not able to do it. It just feels wrong. Just as I am physically unable to punch my kids in the face, I am unable to physically make myself do anything on the D because it will hurt them. Many say kids will be OK, but I don't feel it. Many say it's better for the kids to live in two peaceful households -- but we are not fighting. Sure, my W is grumpy but we haven't had a single argument in front of them.
I can and do sometimes dream about being with someone kinder, healthier. So it's not like I don't understand that life can be good after the divorce. Just can't make myself hurt the kids right now.
Completely understood FG. Believe me I was there. It took a loooong time for me to make that decision to serve. I actually talked long and hard to my parents and her parents before doing. Only you can make that decision and I would never suggest that to somebody. That's way too personal. And you know how long my son has been in therapy but he was privy to way too much of what my XW was doing. From what I have read your W has not behaved that way.
I just wanted to give you some support because I know how tough the in-house sep can be. You start looking at little behaviors as potential positives and you cycle back and forth. It can be mentally and emotionally draining. I just wanted to let you know that won't last forever and no matter what the outcome you will have a good life, either a better M or a second chance to get it right. Keep being you.
Strength and Honor.
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
