Confused on What to Do 2

[ericmsant2]

Eagle

I guess I'm walking on egg shells that if I screw something up then we are done.

Brother….I get it. I did the same for a LOOOOONNNGGG time.

The key is to begin to really DETACH from her and from the sitch. I know it is easier said then done and we’re all here to help you get past this.

I need to get to that point that I don't care anymore, but I just have to figure out how to get there.

A little “keep myself honest” trick I learned……

BUT’s…. Usually the words that follow BUTS are the excuses we give ourselves. I keep things easy for us. Example:

I would stop smoking BUT I already purchased a carton….or BUT…. I am addicted….or BUT….I like to.

Can you see how we give ourselves the excuse. IF someone really wants to stop – they’ll stop.

I'm sitting here at this computer completely stumped on your question about something I always wanted to do but haven't done.

That should tell you a lot. Take your time man, this is a process. From where I sit you have a lot of work to do on Eagle.

Right now I feel like a man with no dreams, and that is not a good feeling.

Ahhh….if you only knew that all of the answers are inside of YOU already! Now, before I go on….do me a favor…..

STOP FEELING BAD ABOUT YOURSELF, YOUR SITCH, YOUR W….JUST STOP IT.

DB101 – Change how you look at things.

Instead of “I feel like a man with no dreams” (depressing)….look at it as….”I’m working to FIND my dreams” (Positive).

I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about your post

I find a nice glass of wine and a blunt work for me..just kidding… about the wine. LOL.

You are correct that I am too afraid. I will admit that I am scared that I will make the wrong move and I question myself everyday if I am doing this right. I wrestle everyday with the thought of telling her that I don't want to be around while she is texting OM.

And I understand WHY you are afraid. The texting of the OM….yeah it hurts, mine did it too. Here is the thing…. Why does it really hurt? Do you really think OM is better than you? He is NOT.

I have thought so much about confronting the OM.

For what really? So you can “show her”….so you can feel (for a second) “like you are a man and you will not tolerate this chit”. IMO, your not ready to do that just yet.

In the end I have always just decided to play the doormat and be there for her. I have often wondered (I know I should not try to get in her mind) if she actually wants me to speak up and be strong and tell her I will not live like this, but I am just so unsure on what to do.

1) YOU CHOOSE to be a doormat. NO ONE can make YOU. Psst…this is YOU not taking ownership or responsibility over what YOU allow in YOUR life.
2) Notice how you still factor her into YOUR decision process. You keep making it about her…her …..her…what she did …..what she didn’t do…. STOP it!
Sometimes brother….doing NOTHING is actually doing something.

Do you know what a lion does when it is injured?

It separates (i.e. DETACHES) from the pack, from the fight. It separates to give itself time to heal and then – it enters the field again. You’re a Lion dude. Stop, rest up for a bit and heal.

I don't know if I necessarily want the M fixed now, but I do want these OM gone now.

NOTICE the BUT…..

To mean the statement above indicates that YOU do want the M fixed……your excuse for the hard WORK that may make it possible is the OM. In part, because that allows you to avoid focusing on YOU.

I am honest with myself and I think the chances of our M getting back together are slim, but I wasn't happy with myself and I need to change.

Another excuse you are giving yourself. YOU say you need to change – yet you focus so much on her.

Fear has you by the balls.

She is in so much control. I'm letting her control this whole situation.

Excuses again….She, her, she has control…blah blah blah….

Look man, stop blaming her for everything. Stop blaming her for YOUR choices. Stop blaming her for your reluctance to really make this about YOU. Being the victim is easy.

I'm not sure if this is what your looking for but I have been wanting to spend the day hiking

Then honestly – go hiking!

Please take your time and READ the posts on your thread….a lot of poster have posted some very good insight.

I have one other favor to ask of you…..


Do me a favor and DO NOT GO ALL COMMANDO on your W right now. For now, just let her go.