Papers are filed, here comes the D. Focus on me

[Cherry]

Guys, thank you all for the advise and the constant support. It means so much to me to have you all supporting me on the journey

I have for sure been through this and been through the whole cycle before with wh. Believe me, I understand that I can't trust that this is him becoming interested in working on the R. I know I may across that I'm constantly venting about wh and his actions, but my good friend grl has summed up my approach completely- I journal it. I monitor what he is doing, while keeping myself doing some self improvement, and in doing so- I can see what works and what doesn't work.

I think I must come across like I'm sat wallowing waiting for him to come or waiting for him to throw me a bone, but believe me, I'm not. I am already practically living as a divorcee. I don't have the financial support really from him. My pay check comes in, and i make sure I have money to pay bills and live on. I manage to single parent because he is never home,I work, I take my mil to her health appointments, I do all my housework, have my antenatal appointments, I cook, and if I can I squeeze some life in there and see friends. There is no needs of mine being met by him- and I'm used to it. I am prepared for him to leave, I have a solicitor, I've got all my tax forms filled in, and the forms for extra child support- they're ready and waiting because I can't file them until he has moved out and we would be shown as a legally separated couple. While we are still under the same roof- we are still classed as a couple regardless of the set up. I'm fully prepared mentally and physically to be gone. I've even gone as far to planning my birth and arrival of baby without him.

I think the above partly shows how I am the woman he would be a fool to loose. I am far stronger than him. I have everything sorted, every decision made, I know me and my babies will be just fine in every respect.

My walls are fully up towards him, I am no way a crying damsel in distress. He used to complain that I would never just listen to him without giving my opinion, or getting emotional. Every recent conversation I have had with him has been a full 180, my emotions are in check, I'm calm- no anger- no tears. I'm strong, my boundaries are in place and I know my worth. I let him speak, get his thoughts across and validate. That is all, no opinions or suggestions to him. No letting him in on my mind and my thoughts, he doesn't get to see that side of me right now.

I understand that there is the worry that I would make the same mistakes as last time, but I realise the error of my ways. I know where I went wrong and I leapt to quick. Obviously I don't want a quick fix and find myself back here. I'm prepared either way. And either way would be a different journey. And IF he did say he wanted to work on the M, I would want to know what he is planning to change himself, and then joint goals for the M. There would be a lot of work and full remorse.

In the meantime, his actions are positive, he is starting to think he has a problem in himself, that's a big admition. I don't think he's cake eating, because I'm not really seeing him let alone meeting any of his needs.