I really think you need to face the fear that your W right now is batchit crazy and much like a teenager will want, want, want. The crumbs that she are leaving you are giving you hope, which on one had is a good thing on the other is a bad one. You see, I believe that in your case (2 OM in the picture), you need to start really focusing on YOU – once and for all. J3B is right in that every interaction that you have with your W should be taken as an opportunity to showcase the new you. The only problem that I see, is that you view these interactive very differently than she does. I suspect that you want the M fixed NOW – whereas she really can take her time. She is in no rush.
I don't know if I necessarily want the M fixed now, but I do want these OM gone now. I know this M will not be fixed overnight and that it would be a long road, but I also know we can't fix it if the OM are in the picture still. I guess I wake up everyday and just hope something will happen that will cause these OM to leave the picture. My therapist told me I can't win against these OM because they are just fantasies for her and I am the reality. I just need them gone, but I figure there is nothing I can do about that.
I need to work on myself and it is so hard when most of my day is spent worrying about my marriage. I wish I could just go away for a few days and just do something else, but with my role in the kids lives that is impossible.
I'm gonna touch on this part if Eric doesn't mind....
Well, I'm going to whether he minds or not actually : )
^^^ Up there, a few posts ago, when boundaries were brought up.
You said that you were going to go with what J3B said...
And I pretty much knew that would be your answer.
Why ?
Because it is the right choice ???
Maybe it is...
Moreso for you Eagle...
It was because it was the EASY choice...
It didn't involve YOU doing anything other than what you were already doing, or had done in the past...
Why ??
Because you are so filled full of fear, that you can't see anything other than what you THINK is happening, or going on, or going TO happen if you make a move. Be it the right or wrong one...
You say that you want the OM gone....
Do you really feel that THEY are the problem here ??
I would say that they are a symptom of the problem here...
But hey, what do I know...
Now I am not saying that you should run right out and get a OM1 and OM2 disguise kit or anything..
What do these guys have, that you are not projecting (not to her, but to the universe)...
Confidence ? Strong decision makers ??
Things like that ???
Eagle, you are being pushed here, because we don't want you to be like them, or act like them...
You are being pushed to be better than them...
Stronger, more confident, more successful....
You are focused entirely on the wrong things, and because of that ???
You will fail.....
Not the marriage, not your kids, none of that...
You will fail yourself..
You are selling yourself, just for the sake of the marriage..
The boundaries thing, yea, you aren't there yet...
Boundaries are limits that you put in place, NOT to punish another person, but to protect yourself from toxic actions around you...
They need to be firm, absolute, and enforced..
Enforcing them is the most vital part.
Thing is...
You don't know who YOU are inside well enough, to know what is toxic around you.
For now....
Focus on the things that you can actually change...
Your thought
Your actions
Your self worth
Your goals
Your dreams
Your inner worth....
Think about Eric's questions....a lot. And when you are done, think about them some more....
Cause with what you just posted above....
There will be more behind this.....
Eagle, YOU are in charge of YOU....nobody else.
Stop letting your wayward spouse dictate how YOU should live your life....
