Maybs - Pt3

[maybs]

Haha I'm not sure why he keeps going under there I feel like by now he should know he's going to get stuck!

Still not much happening over here. Work has been super stressful as I mentioned. I work in a position where I am required to be extroverted and a "people person" pretty much at all times but naturally I'm quite introverted. While I love my job and the work I do sometimes I just need a break from all interaction. So last night I canceled some dinner plans with FA and set my phone to do not disturb mode and relaxed. FA being FA and knowing me so well did come by and sit with me but we didn't really talk at all we just sat there and watched movies. She gets me lol.

Rescheduled dinner for tomorrow night.

I found that in the beginning I made some 180s and behavior changes that just didn't work for me so I have stopped doing those. I do what feels right for me. I don't want to make changes that are not something I'm happy with doing for the rest of my life.

I've been working with my IC on stuff around my family still and sometimes that's exhausting... it's a lot of stuff to dig up and trudge through and try to deal with but I know it needs to be done.

Overall, I'm doing really really well. Like I said I love my job and most days look forward to going to work. I have kept the GAL activities that are things I love to do and cut the rest that were just filler activities. I've lost the feeling that I need to be doing something at all times in order to not think about my situation and even when I'm home alone I don't find myself thinking about it really at all.

I'm still 100% focused on me and have really made myself my top priority. Last night proved that to me. Normally I'm that person that hates canceling plans and would have gone to dinner anyways and been a little on edge and irritated the entire time but instead I recognized that I needed space and I took it for myself.

It's odd but writing this made me think about what my top priorities are and I can honestly say that my W didn't even make the list. In some ways that does hurt but in other ways it feels kind of liberating and gives me an overall sense of freedom because I'm putting all of this behind me. I'm on my own journey and I feel like I've reached a stage of acceptance over all of this and it just is what it is. I don't feel the need to try to manipulate or control the outcome. I'm turning into a better version of myself. I can see it and feel it on a daily basis and I am someone only a fool would leave.