One thing is missing in all of your posts. You focus alot on the A, but you never did say what the reasons were that your W wanted out. You say you read DB, then what were some of the problems in the M and what have you been doing to change?
I stress that no M problem is a reason for having an A, but there usually is some issues in the M to begin with.
I'm willing to accept 50% of the blame for our marriage problems and even the affair. I've been venting about the affair here as I can't air the issue freely with mutual friends.
Problems in M that I was part of: 1. Probably the big one, I didn't meet my wife's emotional needs. This one could get its own post. 2. I stopped wearing the pants in the family. My wife developed a strong personality. To avoid the strong personality I tried to agree on most issues. I think deep down, she wanted me to be a man and make some decisions for us. 3. We stopped dating. I didn't put in any effort to line up babysitters or plan dates. 4. She gave a lot of hints in the last month. She didn't even have a password on her phone. I ignored all the signs. Maybe I gave up or was lazy. 5. We worked opposite shifts for the last 2.5 years. 6. Sex decreased to 1-2 times a month. I guess healthy couples do it a minimum of 2 times a week. 7. I wrongly assumed divorce was never an option. 8. There's a book 5 Languages of Love. My wife's languages are receiving small gifts and acts of service. Knowing this I still didn't make any extra effort. 9. My wife always said, the little things are the big things for her. I always got caught up in the big picture. 10. My wife most likely had post partum depression after our first child. Her primary care doc even said it. Wife wanted to hear none of it. Me wanting to avoid conflict didn't pursue it. I guess if you really love someone, you have to have the tough talks when needed. 11. My wife has show signs of a MCL for the last 6 months. I just ignored the issue rather then deal with it. 12. Early in our relationship I didn't do enough around the house. I have since corrected that. 13. Communication issues, both of us.
Well that's my observation and what she's communicated to me. I have some beefs to but I always just accepted her for who she is over the years.
