I do not think it's Tad's place to ask her to come back, i.e., she walked and if she wants back, she would have to earn his trust and respect and I don't see that happening any time soon.
I meant asking her to come back when he meditates. Our thoughts are very powerful and can be perceived by the spouse even if the spouse is 10,000 miles away. I keep reading about it and I am trying it myself, and it seems to be working. My wife has mental and physical problems right now due to midlife crisis and peri-menopause. Me sending her positive energy will speed up her healing process and because of Karma what I put out I will get back later: she is acting in a friendly way towards me and hopefully we can reconcile at some point.
I have not read all your sitch ... just this thread. One tidbit of advice, because its free and I have oodles of it. Careful the the "Expectations" thing, your writings drip of the stuff. Hope is one thing ... expectations are another that will lead you to bitterness and disappointment when things do not go as you anticipated .. just food for thought.
I was just posting about you and the advice on here. I just hope that you use it.
As for me, I DO NOT want XW back. I've been divorced since 2011 and she is remarried. ANY type of relationship that we might have in the future is ultimately up to me and right now I don't care to have one.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Thought I would pop in a post one little general comment...
Over the years...I've learned some very interesting lessons...
Love....the actions...of it...
Sometimes....
require an individual to let go...and let be....to love enough to let go...
Letting go....always the other party the space they need...it really is an act of love to let go.
To...as some used to say on these boards....to "drop the rope"...
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
"My wife has mental and physical problems right now due to midlife crisis and peri-menopause."
MMMM no. It's also based on how you treated her in the M. I understand you want to try to attract her back using positive energy, law of attraction, or whatever, but the bottom line is that it still seems you're trying to "control" the situation.
If she actually wanted to come back to you. Why would she come back to someone who is the same as when she left?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
If you are not happy w/something someone posts, then ignore it, but asking them to stop posting to you is not the way to have people come and post to you. At the rate you are going, no one is going to post to you if you continue down the path of "don't post to me". People get tired of this behavior and will soon ignore your thread completely. I don't want to see that happen. There's a lot of good stuff coming out of your threads, not just from you, but the other posters as well, i.e., whether you like the responses or not. People are not going to agree w/everything a person posts and no, we don't sugar coat our responses and we don't promise that everything will have unicorns and faeries popping up all over the place to make life wonderful. We speak in terms of real life and what others have experienced which is the good, the bad and the ugly and when we see someone doing something right and for themselves and their children, we will cheer them on. That is what this forum is about.
I don't think you read the lengthy posting that I posted the other day about this type of action. So, I've copied and pasted the second paragraph for you to read. "By requesting that certain posters not post on your thread, you are hindering your process of understanding and healing as well as the viewpoints being available for others to read. Those viewpoints may be just what someone else needs to read to better understand what is going on in their particular situation. As I've said before, take from the postings what you can use and toss the rest aside. Yes, we can be very direct and sometimes that is what we need to make us open our eyes to what our situations look like on the other side. Sometimes the advice and/or comments strike a nerve, but maybe the advice/comments actually hit home on what we need to work on."
Unless a person is being down right rude and/or disrespectful to you, I do not see any harm in them posting to you and what Mr. Bond posted is the exact same thoughts that I had...but hadn't posted them yet. We are all adults here and can either accept or not accept what is being posted, but this behavior of requesting people not post to you because you do not like what they've posted is coming across as ridiculous. If you don't like something that is posted, then ignore it and move on to the next posting.
Now, I'm going to turn the tables on to you and ask you some questions and it would be nice if you would answer them for me, i.e., rather than ignoring them.
Have you begun to improve upon yourself? How so? You mentioned a while back on someone's thread that you had been mean to your xw...how so? You said that you apologized...were you sincere w/that apology or was it just to calm her down? Relationships are not one sided and you both contributed to the breakdown of your marriage, i.e., 50/50. So, tell me, what have you done to correct some of the behaviors that she accused of, i.e., control and abuse? None of us are perfect and we all have flaws, so let's explore your flaws and see how you can identify them and begin working on them. Your xw isn't the only one that needs to work on her issues and make changes that will allow her to become a more settled woman. You have changes that need to be made as well if a reconciliation is to be a success down the road. You can't go back to the old ways because that marriage is long dead, i.e., a new relationship needs to be built upon in order to move forward.
Things are improving. Me and her are having a few text message arguments about what happened in the past 8 months and she used the word "sorry" a few times. She will do the best the she can to bring the kids closer to me and she starts to realize the damage that she has done to them. Little by little.....
What are you doing to mend the fences to make things better for all concerned?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
