Confused on What to Do 2

[ericmsant2]

from J3B…..But I don't see her interactions with Eagle as a bad thing. If Eagle can handle it.

I think the key is “handle it”. I would word it a bit differently. I would say….as long as he “does not read into it”.

from J3b….Because boundaries...that's a hard line. It has to be otherwise you have no teeth, and your boundaries are meaningless.

I could not agree more. Having caught up on this thread….I believe that Eagle is too AFRAID right now to even think about boundaries. IMO, first he must face his fear and find Eagle. Find who Eagle really is, fix the chit about himself that Eagle needs to fix and right now….FEAR has him by the balls.

Eagle, I’ve caught up on your thread and you are getting some good advice. For what it is worth here is mine.

I really think you need to face the fear that your W right now is batchit crazy and much like a teenager will want, want, want. The crumbs that she are leaving you are giving you hope, which on one had is a good thing on the other is a bad one. You see, I believe that in your case (2 OM in the picture), you need to start really focusing on YOU – once and for all. J3B is right in that every interaction that you have with your W should be taken as an opportunity to showcase the new you. The only problem that I see, is that you view these interactive very differently than she does. I suspect that you want the M fixed NOW – whereas she really can take her time. She is in no rush.

DB is so counter intuitive…it really is. It truly does not feel natural. It’s almost as if your mindset has to be…….that you not give two chits if the WAS is coming back. That does not mean that you become an arse – no…you continue to use the opportunities that are presented to show the changes. The changes…that if done for YOURSELF are truly changes that run deep. They are the type of changes that stick. The changes that I think you are making right now…are probably just being made to get her back. So…she does not trust them. Add to the mix 2 OM’s and she is in lala land.

So ask yourself the question……..

Are ALL of the changes that you have made really for YOU or are some of them for HER?

The ones that are for you KEEP ‘em….the ones that are for HER….let them go. Learn to be comfortable with who YOU are. Stop being so afraid!

Use the interactions as J3B has suggested but YOUR focus should be on living YOUR life. That means doing things for YOU, that means being a kick arse parent, that means continuing to work on yourself….

DB says do what works….

Is being a fixer to your W working for you? Is it achieving the goals that you have – for YOU?

Stop being afraid Eagle! It is a CHOICE that YOU can make. Much like J3B and yourself admitted i.e. the monsters in your head. The fear you have of what would happen if...... are also just monsters in YOUR head. Face those f*ckers and trust me....what you find inside yourself, about yourself....will be the best thing you do for YOU, your kids and believe it or not....YOUR W (regardless of the outcome).

So….in closing…..

Do me one favor…..

List ONE thing that you have always wanted to do but never did. This one thing should be achievable (not something like I want to purchase the Empire State Building in NYC and paint it Pink)….something doable, then….tell me how you plan to achieve it and WHEN you plan to achieve…it should be something that you can do in the NEXT two weeks. Yep…2 weeks buddy.

Oh…and stop stressing over the text. Honestly, this is where IMO, you start to say she is crazy and it is about time that I start focusing on me.

One more question….what is more attractive?

Scenario 1 – A man that is open, honest, sensitive, communicative that works out, spends time with his friends, is a good father, takes care of himself, smells good, dresses nice, has a life outside of the house yet is still the leader of the home.

Or

Scenario 2 – A man that is afraid, cannot accept change, worries, [censored] at being a dad, cannot say what he feels, is passive aggressive, has no friends or if he does barely sees them, has no life.

Which one do you want to be?

Oh…and before you answer….

Consider this…..

YOUR W does NOT make that choice! You get to decide who that man is.