Ok ... I had to read my own darn soap opera to see where I left off, I feel like its one of those Netflix series where there should be a recap just to know where the last season left us all.
So in the last episode I had just put the sissy bar on the bike .. still on and extremely functional I have found. So I think I mentioned I was going on a road trip back in July, S and I had an absolute blast, first time her ever really rode in the front seat with me and we had some seriously great conversations about anything and everything his 9 year old head could think of. I took route A there, and the longer route B back passing through 4 corners and the Grand Canyon ... long trip but was so very fun.
I was back about 2 weeks then I had to go to China for business. At the time I was dating 'Irish' .... she was alot of fun and helped me with a few things I was sorting out for myself but after the 3 month mark or so she was pressing in areas I was just not willing to go at this point. I seen a few red flags and after some thought I terminated the relationship just prior to me leaving for China. China was amazing, hot and muggy, but amazing and really helped me understand the Chinese way of doing things and just a better grasp of the cultural differences that have helped me here stateside.
So once I returned we had our Mediation appt ... #7 for attempts for those keeping score at home. I was pretty sure this would finally be the one. I actually was not dreading it this time, I have received 3 10% raises at work in 2 1/2 years and have been thinking about using my VA Loan to get a little condo for S and I but I need to be divorced as to not by my MLCr a nice little Crazy-Cottage. Anyways ... yup ... you all guessed it ... 1 day prior to the appt she cancelled it AGAIN!! (more on that later)
The summer has been great, I had arranged with ...stbx/w .. what ever one would call her to stop the crazy schedule we have had with S (I would have him M&W, she had him Th&F we would alternate Tues plus one would have him Sat, the other Sun and that would flip each week.) So now we still have our locked in days but we also just trade off weekends which is so much better as S and I can go out and do things without having to worry about getting up and ready Sunday mornings. She does not seem to like this as she pushed for it to go back this month but I refused pointing out this is the long term solution and best for S. I received *crickets* as a reply. I have noticed the weekends I have him and he calls (S refuses to talk to anyone unless its on speaker so often you can not help but hear) she sounds tired/depressed/sad and that seems to be growing over the past few weeks. Thats about the only update I can give you on her other than she just texted me this week wanting to trade days ... either a test or she forgot but wanted me to take S on my Birthday (her day) but made no mention of it being my birthday, I am actually working that night so I just replied I have plans already and left it at that. About 40 minutes prior to that text I had recieved an email from the Mediators office. Basically pointing out how long we have been at this, how many reschedules there have been (None by me mind you) and that in their experience the longer it goes on the more hostile it will be so they recommend one of us just files directly with the courts implying we go the lawyer route. STBX has not said a peep to me, she may have replied directly to that email or not at all I have no idea, I read it and kinda chuckled thinking ... ok, someone else is tired of the crazy stuff and decided to say "Poo or get off the pot" in a more professional way.
As far as me ... I am good. I decided monk mode is the way for me to go at the moment, I can not explain why its not that I feel I am damaged past the point of fixing, I just think I have more healing to go and its good for me to be alone at the moment. I also have ZERO time to be honest. I have every other Tuesday and every other weekend open but those are filled with laundry, grocery shopping and cleaning it seems .. plus catch up on work if needed. Unless there is some hot chick into that ... I am kinda spoken for. Along with that ... call me nuts .. just feels like God is telling me to continue on my path. I did go to confession for the whole 'Irish' relationship knowing I am still married and yeah that is cheating no matter how one wants to paint it ... so I have cleaned the slate so to speak and I am really at peace with "Me".
At this point, I am not sure if I am 'standing' ... I guess thinking about it what I am doing is Living... I enjoy who I am and who I have become. All this made me a very good father, without all this no way I have the bond S and I share, not that I would wish this upon anyone but there are some serious great benefits to it if you care to look at it from a positive perspective. I became better at my job, much more empathetic to peoples personal lives and problems, and I am much closer to God. So ... "Standing" .. I dunno, I am at that 2-3% chance area and do not waste much time thinking in that direction any longer but I will say I am still very interested to see if she ever will come out of this at all ... I do hope for her sake in a way she does .. but also realize that is an ugly movie to wake up and have to go over.
Anyways .. thats the updated novel for now ... Football is here and I welcome the change of the season.
