You scared me there kml, but just for a few seconds before I realized that I had my annual check recently and was tested for HIV. But they did request HIV test this time as well.
You are both right. I am in a much better situation, having the kids with me, than if I had to fight for them or share them out. I think I will just let him see them when he feels like it. And will not initiate anything myself. But I insisted he will let me know in advance (which for him means a text 15 minutes before he shows up - must be sending it when already on his way...).
After my big disappointment from the discussion we had (note to self - don't let yourself get into another discussion like that again, you are not talking to a reasonable person, it only hurts!) he really upset me on Sunday. He said on Fri that he'll ask both sons to help him put his new furniture together. On Sun he asked if he can come to get some tools and told me that s15 does not answer his text so he understands that he is not thrilled about his proposal to go to his new apartment. I replied that s15 is cooking with me at the moment and that of course he can come to get tools and the kids. He arrived, played chess with s15. I left upstairs. S15 came to tell me that they are leaving. I thought all 3 of them. A few minutes later I see s13 is at home. I asked him if he didn't want to go with his father and from the expression on his face I figured the father never even came to his room to say hi to him. I hated myself for asking the question. I should have told him that his brother left to help his father and see what he says. But I could not imagine that H would be in the house and not go to say hi or ask if he wanted to go with them. Not saying hi already happened once and I explained to him that time what it did to s13 (it was just a few weeks after H moved out). Anyway, I was really upset but did not say anything to him. I don't think he even gets it. He only sees himself and his feelings. S15 told me when he came back that he thought H talked to his brother before they left. Obviously not.
He came twice since then. I did not mention anything. I talk to him nicely but I'm not comfortable around him again. I guess I got too close in the past weeks that now it feels like a new disappointment again. Will have to keep distance for a while so I can get back to my almost completely detached state in which I was before our holidays.
Regarding my heath issues, as it turns out, it's not toxoplasmosis. Which is good. But I still don't know what it is. Still waiting for more results. And I will have to repeat test for boleriosis. I'm less concerned now. We'll see. I hope they find out soon what it is so I can get a proper treatment.
