Confused on What to Do 2

[Eagle11]

I'm with Jack on this one. Her complaints about me are that I wasn't really interested in her, I didn't like to do things for her and I criticize her. I agree with some of what she said and not so much with other stuff.

As far as the wake up call. If she would have called me 2 months ago before any of this happened and asked me to give her a wake up call, I am 99% sure I would have told her to ask the front desk. Not because I wouldn't want to do but because that would make the most sense to me. That is part of the hotel front desk job and it makes the most sense. Last night when she asked I did look at it as an opportunity to show her I would do something for her.

Like Jack, I'm trying not to mind read here, but part of me thinks she is testing me to see how much I've changed. She knows how I would answer in the past when she would ask me to do that and maybe I showed her something last night by telling her I would wake her up. I called her right at 6:00 am this morning like she wanted and she thanked me for doing it. She said she was up late because she did a factory reset on her phone and was restoring it (I was really hoping she would have to go the whole day without a phone, it would drive her crazy).

I probably am mind reading but I really get the feeling I am being tested lately. She has started to talk about her past and I have been very attentive and have asked questions. I think she called me about her traffic ticket to gauge my reaction because in the past I probably would have upset with her for texting and driving, but this time I was calm and told her everybody makes mistakes. There are other little things here and there that she has told me that I felt she was testing me too. She made the comment last weekend that she noticed changes in me. I know it might not mean much, but it was nice to get that acknowledgment.

As far as the other guys, I'm not really sure what to do about it. I have thought about a boundary where I tell her that I feel disrespected if she texts them when I'm around, but I haven't said anything to her yet. Part of the reason is that I don't really know what they are texting about. I know OM #1 and her had some sexual texts that I read a month ago, but she swears that is over and they are just texting about work (I don't really believe her) and I've only seen 3 texts from OM #2 and none have been sexual in nature. I do feel its inappropriate that they texts hundreds of times a day but if I say something right now it will probably just drive her off to her divorce attorney so I keep my mouth shut.

I have been working on me and I have been working on the complaints that she has against me. I guess I'm looking at this as an opportunity like Jack has mentioned. I don't know how long I can last, but I'm holding on for now. I have had to walk away by myself a few times so I wouldn't say anything when I know she is texting and I have slipped up a few times.

My W is just so hard to figure out (and I guess I shouldn't try). I don't know how much thought she has given to all of this. I remember reading Sandi2's description of a WW in an A and how its like a drug that she knows is wrong but she just can't stop it. My W mentioned something similar early on when I first found out about OM #1. I asked her to stop with texting and she said she knows she needs to but she just can't. She mentioned last week that she knows she needs to stop flirting with guys and its doing her no good. So I think deep down she still has morals, but for some reason she just can't use those morals. The one night she was drunk and talked about her step dad that past away, she also told me that this wasn't my fault. She said she is just messed up and she knows she need to stop and get help. Then a couple of nights later when she was sober she said she doesn't need therapy and I'm the problem. The stuff she told me the night she was drunk I believe is the true her. She was hurting and not blaming me. She wanted my help, but seemed to not know how to ask for it. I told my therapist about this and she told me most of the time people are much more truthful when they are drunk because there guard is down. Now if I can only get my W to be drunk all the time we could probably work this thing out (That was a joke).