Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 4)

[ForGump]

OK so we've located you at the bottom of the sea: the Mariana Trench.

Sorry man. Sounds really rough. I mean, for me, just a slight warming or slight cooling by my W and I'm all messed up for days. So the kind of confrontation you had ... I'd be psychologically six feet or twenty fathoms under. Seems like you're holding up better.

You mentioned some upsides -- let me restate them slightly differently. Maybe the big shakeup in the status quo is necessary. And in particular, maybe her physically being separated from you while sleeping, is in fact something that could help her feel more viscerally what the divorce would feel like. Maybe this is some of the loss your W has to feel before she realizes what she's throwing away. I don't know.

As for your friend, it sounds to me like there was mainly some poor judgment. Who knows, maybe he got a kick connecting w/ your W that way, even if on the surface all was above board. I guess I'd probably give him the benefit of the doubt. Shitty thing to do, though, what he did. I mean, if it really was all about *his* marriage, why does it have to be all surreptitious?

Anyway. Unless there is something truly substantial there, I would say let it go. Heck even if he is an OM -- we're supposed to let it go, right? Whatever dysfunctional, distasteful thing our WW engages in, that's her circus, those are her monkeys.