Those are not necessarily mistakes but without knowing full context including tones it is hard to comment. You are right to stand up for yourself BUT a better tactic could be instead of fighting back (reacting) you stop the fight.Do not continue any conversation if not done in a respectful way. She can rant and rave all she wants but you can CHOOSE to not entertain it. Reread the boundaries thread.

Best wishes

R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together