cheesyt 3 -adjusting to new life

[lt0402]

How did I get here? but most importantly, how do I get out of here?!

I don't think things are getting worse, but sure don't feel better. I'm settling into some sort of routine
Monday work, then running and beers with a group, get home around 9pm shower and bed.
Tuesday work, soccer practice with D, get home around 7pm and do things around my room or netflix or study
Wed work, D, get home around 8/30 do things around my room or netflix, or study
Thursday work, happy hour with a friend, get home around 8 pm, do things around my room or netflix or study
Friday work, soccer practice with D, meet with a friend for happy hour until whenever. usually 9/10pm, then bed.
Saturday and Sunday I try to fill up with GAL activities.
Sunday I definitely take a few hours to study/homework.

Yet somehow I'm still not content, or remotely close to happy. I'm ok. I don't want to be just ok though. I'm waking up and doing what I have to do, but only because I have to. I have to go to work because I have bills to pay. I have to go running because I need to GAL. I have to GAL because It's supposed to help but when does it actually get better? Out of the whole week the only thing I can say I do because I want to is spend time with D (the few hours on Wednesday I'm allowed.) I don't know what else to do to actually feel better. I feel stuck. I don't what this life I'm creating but I'm at a loss for how to make it more "mine" and for it to make me happy.

-want a different life with my W in it. as my W.

Cheesyt, I know this lull. I too am living in this limbo and it's hard to imagine what "good" looks like in the future. I find that the routine is awesome for helping me maintain balance and the exercise has been key to me keeping my sanity.

I think the issue is that both you and I keep getting sucked back into our WWs zone of control. We tend to go in fits and spurts and it keeps us from really, truly detaching from the situation. From others, it sounds like you don't really get consistently "good" w/o finding the way to detachment. Until then you go through good and bad cycles.

Unfortunately, I can't help you w/ the detachment piece, but I can tell you that what you are doing is good FOR you. You seem to be happier after you've been out on a GAL w/ your friends. Maybe it's even time to try something new and fill in Wed or Thurs evening w/ a new GAL activity? Take a risk, try something new w/ new people. Maybe it leads you somewhere interesting and helps you to define what "good" looks like in the future.

Regardless, you are an awesome person and deserve to be happy. We're here to support you and I really appreciate all the support you've given me. Hang in there and it will get better!