I use to take my feelings of resentment out on my kids, too. So, I understand.
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How do I change the relationship dynamics at this point in time or is that a long term thing.
We don't have a lot of information, but I am going to tell you as though she is a WW. First of all, your time frame and her time frame are not together. She is done, and you've just woke up.....so she is not going to want what you want. She is not going to want to work on the MR. (Some H's seem to not get it). Catering and accommodating your W, in order to get her approval does not work with a WW. As I said previously, start living your life centered on you and the kids, and what works for you, and don't wait for her to say what's what. Don't wait around to see what she does. Know what I mean?
Don't leave small decisions up to her. Take charge on the home front, and of yourself. Show decisiveness and leadership ability.
Don't compromise your integrity to win a wayward wife. She disrespects you and she is rebellious, so bear that in mind when interacting with her.
As much as you will desire to cater to her and show her how much you are improving...and want to persuade her to give the MR another chance, it won't work with a WW. She wants and needs a man she can't manipulate and show disrespect. She wants and needs a man who won't take her b.s.
Don't tell her the books you are reading, or that you are attending some meeting to improve yourself. B/c it kind of comes across as you trying to be good enough for her to keep.
Do not accept all the blame of the breakdown in your MR. I will take a stab and say she's probably had her way in the decisions that were made. On the other hand, you have had to build your plans/life around whatever she decided. Am I right or wrong?
Don't let her moods dictate your behavior. If the H walks on eggshells to keep his W from being in a bad mood, or getting angry/upset at him......then he needs to start taking charge of his life, instead of her moods in charge. Don't be afraid of upsetting her! I am not suggesting you see how big of a jerk you can be to her, but I am telling you that she takes for granted, and expects, you to do whatever SHE wants.
Don't cow down. Be the man who is not afraid to stand up for what's right, and for yourself.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
