Pathway Change

[Coconut]

Have you thought about what might help you find forgiveness, so that you can stop focusing on the past and look forward? I don't know, but I think time will help, and if you need it, space apart for a little time.

I know it's hard to deal with someone you loved so much doing that to you, but if you really want to be with her, if you really believe she has come back to reality and you both are going to work to have the best M possible, it's worth working to get past and find forgiveness.

Remember, even if you walked away, your not going to find someone else who hasn't been with another and that's not likely going to bother you. So the real issue isn't the sexual acts themselves, it's the why's and what's (like why did you think so little of me that you could do that, what were you thinking, etc...) that are the issue. Those feelings should be expressed and talked about until you really have a good understanding of what was going on in her head, it's very very very unlikely that she did it to hurt you, the only thought is generally how it feels so good to them. She didn't do it to hurt you, she did it because it felt good to her.

I had a M male friend who was involved in an A, he said that the sex didn't mean anything to him and wasn't very good, but he felt alive with all the covert operations that surrounded the A. I'm sure a woman would say it wasn't the sex, it was the emotional stimulation, the feeling of being desired, etc. I don't think either sex would say I did it because my S is a scumbag and I wanted to hurt them.

So knowing the sexual information isn't necessarily going to do any good in getting past what you are resenting, because what really matters is the how did it make you feel, what could I do to make you feel that way, what would you do if you start to feel that way towards someone else in the future, etc.