Ghost, out of all SH said, you zoomed in on one sentence and missed the over-all message in his post. I don't mean to be answering for SH, just myself and the message I saw in his post.
I have not seen SH tell you to leave your family and home. I don't think I have seen him tell you to leave your M/W. Are we in agreement with this?
Like so many of us, SH is telling you to move "forward". You told us you did not know what it would take to make you move your a$$. SH is trying to tell you how to get moving (not leaving) yourself to a healthier state of mind. You have to save Ghost before you can focus on saving your MR. Are we still in agreement?
I strongly agree with SH about you getting the correct type of therapy, that is not a relationship counselor. I still believe you talk about your MR in the sessions and the focus is your W, instead of Ghost's problems with cycling thoughts, the cause of his fear, etc. If you tell your doctor you need to talk to an IC b/c you are having M problems, then they will refer you to someone who is not qualified to help YOU pyschologically. I think that is why you are not getting the right type of therapy for your emotional issues.
We are trying to help you get into action for Ghost. For now, don't make goals about your W. Except for your weight and being a good dad, you are setting goals about accommodating her.
When we reach a goal, then we just maintain, but we don't have to continue making it a "goal". For example, you have talked as if you are a good father and the relationship with your kids is healthy. Okay, so you just maintain having a great relationship with them. Instead of adding "being a good dad" on the list of goals, how about a new goal? Accomplishing one goal, does not mean we let it go. In order to grow in our life, we reach for new goals. See what I mean?
You have a plan to work on your weight loss by exercising. Do you have a diet program? Do you have a plan to help you on a daily bases to keep you on task? You need to find a source of daily motivation. The hard part is actually doing what you've written down.
Tennis is great! Do you have a partner, in a club, or something? Have you penciled in on your calendar the times you will play?
Meeting new friends. Where will you go to meet the type of people you want for friends? Do not go to a bar and experience something similar to last time. Go somewhere you will be with other males........and where drunk women aren't trying to seduce you.
I am saying that you have to put legs on your goals. Otherwise, your goals are nothing but a list on a piece of paper.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
