Just having a bit of a down afternoon. Came home and saw an Instagram collage of one of the few former "social group" members who I kind of keep up with. Attending her oldest daughter's h.s. soccer games was one of my only GAL activities after BD and I thought we got along well. I've communicated with her off and on, but she really never initiates. I know my old social group goes up to (still my) vacation home on holidays, but I try not to think about it; something I really enjoyed, but now miss.
The collage was all of Labor Day festivities at the vacation home; all pictures of the kids I've babysat and known from birth and their friends...many are in highschool now. And a picture of my husband driving his boat with some kids in it. Its H's house now; not H and Ciluzen's. Its as if I was never there.
Yes, AJM. I guess I do miss the memories of him. But I also miss the picture I had in my head of my future with him, doing just what I saw in the collage with our kids and maybe our grandkids (that I don't have yet). That future was so certain and so close, especially when watching my daughter walk down the aisle with him at her wedding. And then, "BAM"! Gone two weeks later.
I'm not someone who posts a lot on social media...my Instagram is mostly to promote my art. I use FaceBook to keep in contact with far away friends, but end up getting added by those near by on both. I have slowly been deleting those from the old social group if there isn't any contact on their part after I've reached out. But this person seemed to stay in touch. I had to not follow her on Instagram this afternoon. She didn't post that on FB. Seeing those happy pictures made me feel abandoned; tossed away. And I've been really doing well!
I go tomorrow to see my new IC. Hopefully she can help me get past this. Or maybe mediation on Monday will trigger something more to ease me away. I wish there really was a magic pill to make the underlying pain go away, but it probably would have some sort of weird side effect.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
