Papers are filed, here comes the D. Focus on me

[Cherry]

Had an opportunity to go visit family on mainland Spain this weekend, seriously considered it but the flight prices are absolutely ridiculous, and I've got an important meeting in work on Thursday. It's a possibility to do, but just feel it would be a lot of rushing for a couple nights and an awful lot of expense. Plus airlines charge the same price for a toddler as an adult. Criminal!
So that's a shame, it would have been nice to go, and s is learning Spanish so would have been a great chance to practice!
Plus with the sickness being unpredictable, it probably isn't feasible. Another time maybe.

Sat watching storms with S tonight, he didn't seem to know what to make of the lightening. I told him there's nothing to be scared of while mama's around. And that's true, I will protect him and always be there (god willing) for him.

Going to do my pamper tonight, got a meeting tomorrow with some big people at work so I need to appear bright eyed and not like I've been throwing up all day and night. I keep throwing myself forward into presentations and meetings with the big bosses- I feel like a different me comes out. I think I'd like to be her full time, she smiles, looks you in the eye and shakes your hand. I'm confident, and I feel proud of myself that a girl who's been living by herself and at one time working two jobs and studying at uni, is actually getting somewhere. I want to make myself proud, most importantly my son. I have a plan in place to return back from maternity and get back to work. I know there's a stigma in the uk of young single mothers, that it works out better to quit your job as you can get more benefits. Whilst that is possibly true (I can't qualify for some due to my job and working), and I'm not passing judgment on those that do that. But it's not for me. I like to purchase something and think I've worked damn hard for years to be able to buy this. And I want to set the example to my children that if you want nice things, or holidays or cars- you get up and go to work.

Tonight wh has come to check up on me, making chat and asking how I'm feeling. He's been spending the evening texting me asking random questions. Questions he could answer himself really. Little strange, when he is usually ignoring me. Still I shall not overthink.. I have some power on Netflix to catch up on!

[Zues126]

Sat watching storms with S tonight, he didn't seem to know what to make of the lightening. I told him there's nothing to be scared of

I think it was Dave Barry that wrote something like 'kids are always afraid of things they don't understand. Take lightning storms. Many kids get freaked out. It helps to just educate them so it's not an unknown. Take the time to sit them down and explain that lightning is nothing more than gigantic bolts of electricity that can fly out of the sky at any moment and kill you...'

[Surfer]

Had an opportunity to go visit family on mainland Spain this weekend, seriously considered it but the flight prices are absolutely ridiculous, and I've got an important meeting in work on Thursday. It's a possibility to do, but just feel it would be a lot of rushing for a couple nights and an awful lot of expense. Plus airlines charge the same price for a toddler as an adult. Criminal

Be careful. You might be kidding yourself these are the real reasons. You might not of course. Worried he may backslide if you go? Worried about OW? Worried about the neediness you might have if he is not within sight? Worried you will feel safer in your R if you stay nearer him?

I have felt this before. A lot. I would put off travelling north to see grandparents with kids - you can see why. But I was wrong. You being around does not help oddly. Only time and space help.

Surfer.

[Surfer]

It's fear of loss, perhaps even fear of loss of control. If this is true.....even slightly. Drop the rope.

Surfer.

[Surfer]

I think it was Dave Barry that wrote something like 'kids are always afraid of things they don't understand. Take lightning storms. Many kids get freaked out. It helps to just educate them so it's not an unknown. Take the time to sit them down and explain that lightning is nothing more than gigantic bolts of electricity that can fly out of the sky at any moment and kill you...'

Hilarious.

[Surfer]

Tonight wh has come to check up on me, making chat and asking how I'm feeling. He's been spending the evening texting me askin

He's probably temp checking. He knows he's screwed up. Suggest just carry on being nice and stay distant unless conversation is kind. If it is kind you could try telling him you appreciate it. See what happens. At some point he needs to look deeply into himself and make some fundamental changes though. He's not gong to be doing that any time soon. So don't expect too much. Still detach.

Surfer.

[Cherry]

Funnily enough, I've just given you similar advise regarding the behaviour change! It doesn't change anything really, he's in his journey and I'm on mine. I'm not even going to try and think what it may mean because it's impossible and self torture.

I get what you mean, but I'm really not bothered. When he was similar to this earlier in the year (but not to this degree) I flew off to Paris for a few days. This was when I could kinda rely on him to be with S. Right now, there is no way, and S gets so upset at nighttime when he hasn't seen his dad, there's absolutely no way I could leave him, he wouldn't understand and I'd hate for him to think I've left him. It would be an awful lot of rush and about £700 for flights for two nights, it just doesn't really make sense. Maybe next month if I can get the time, I will try and get away. I want him to learn the culture in an authentic way.

Haha Zeus, you were kinda onto me and what I explained, up until the "could kill you" part. I think that may well shake him up a little more.

[PsySara]

I found that when I stopped caring about WH calling/texting/checking on me he suddenly kicked it up a notch. It's bizarre in a way, when we become detached the WH suddenly realizes they are not, as they previously thought, the center of the universe. I am pulling back on my WH again as he has shoved his foot in his mouth again and requires some distancing. The funny thing is, detaching is becoming very easy now, to the point I am not sure piecing is really an option for us anymore.

[maybs]

I found that when I stopped caring about WH calling/texting/checking on me he suddenly kicked it up a notch. It's bizarre in a way, when we become detached the WH suddenly realizes they are not, as they previously thought, the center of the universe. I am pulling back on my WH again as he has shoved his foot in his mouth again and requires some distancing. The funny thing is, detaching is becoming very easy now, to the point I am not sure piecing is really an option for us anymore.

I do find the less I care about talking to my WW the more she tries to talk and explain herself to me. I asked a simple yes or no question yesterday and got a huge response. Detaching does get easier and I like you have also questioned if piecing is really even an option for us anymore.

[Cherry]

It's strange isn't it. I guess this is the true definition of detaching. He sees that I'm not actually phased by his behaviours anymore. Like his stops outs he does. I leave it, I pay it no mind. And in that sense detaching has helped, I no longer spend time thinking where's he at. Who's he with. The way I'm seeing it is he's already gone, and soon he will physically be gone.

I guess they wanna temp check. The more we pull away, they then have to kind of deal with the rejection that they've lost us. All night long he has been messaging. I when I feel it needs no further response, I leave it. And then he sends something else. It's strange, but I think he is temp checking. He wants to see that he has me where he wants me. But I'm busy you know, painting my nails.. watching mindless tv....