Still in the Storm

[Jer2911]

File under "Weird Things That MLCers Do"

I am not necessarily looking for an answer here -- I know the reason is just "MLC". I want to share this here as an observation and to help others who are baffled by the weird things their MLCers are doing. You/We are not alone -- very little of what they do makes much sense and most of us see stuff like this at various points or throughout the crisis. In many ways everything I am describing below just makes me sad for my exW because I think it is evidence of the turmoil she is feeling inside right now.

FB Unfriending Timeline

1. Through July -- Getting along great, exW even tags me in a couple of posts on her FB page that include pics of the kids at some of their events, occasionally likes some of my pics of the kids

2. August first week -- exW takes family trip with OW and kids to place where her family has a vacation home (this is an annual summer vacation) but only her dad and new stepmom are there -- "all" of the family were supposed to be there but her brothers & their spouses didn't go

3. August -- same week -- her brother and his H split up (I found about about this later but pretty certain exW found out about it when it happened during the week she & OW were on vacation with the kids) -- this is important because she used to tell OW about her bro and his H and describe them as a model couple and this was one reason why she had doubts about she and I as a couple (all of that was part of MLC Replay, but it is important that a couple that she viewed as an ideal couple has suddenly split up with some similarities to what she did to me)

4. August second week -- I take kids and my GF on family trip (my brother and his wife go too), exW posts a bunch of vacation pics on FB from her trip with the kids

5. August third week -- Kids are with exW and are just going to summer daycamp for the week, I find out from one of exW's brothers about the other brother and H separating, I post tons of our vacation pics on FB (either one of us posting vacations pics is not anything new -- we have both done this for years because we both use FB as a way to keep in touch and share life with distant relatives and friends)

6. August fourth week -- Kids with me, school starts

7. August weekend following first week of school -- kids with exW, my GF and I go to my cousin's wedding on Saturday evening, my GF posts pics on wedding night of us at reception - tags me and says "I love this woman"

8. August/September 1st week -- On Wednesday exW unfriends me and all of my family except for two aunts and one cousin on FB

I think it is also important to note that all she did was unfriend me and my family members. I can go back through her FB timeline and see all of the posts and pics in which she tagged me and any of our mutual friends/family. This includes photos of she & I with the kids as a family, photos of just she & I together, and all of the Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary posts that she posted on her timeline over the years that we were both on FB. She has deleted none of this. So she unfriended me, but the history of her feelings for me -- at least what was posted publicly -- is still all there for anyone to see if they scroll through her timeline. BTW -- these posts completely contradict everything she said immediately after BD about never really loving me and never being happy in the R/M. The posts were over-the-top sweet and loving... But anyway, none of those posts matter much now that she's in MLC orbit.

The unfriending action was so completely out-of-the-blue and unexpected. When I reflect on the timeline above I can see clearly that it happened after I posted pics from my family trip and immediately after my GF posted pics of us at the wedding.

Did the posting of these pics trigger something in my exW? Why? How? What does it mean, if anything? Did the separation of her brother and his H trigger something inside of her? Maybe a combination of everything...? Who knows...

I know I will never know the answers to those questions. But I can't help but have some curiosity over why she would do this now after more than a year of remaining friends -- and interacting on FB -- even throughout the worst part of her MLC/Replay and our separation when we could barely even speak to each other. We have been getting along just fine for quite a while now. She often uses a friendly tone in some of her emails and text messages when we are communicating about the kids.

She also did an odd thing this past Friday night. I know that she and OW went to a big concert on Friday night. The artist was their favorite artist -- so much so that this artist's music was one of the key things they bonded over when they started their friendship and their EA. This concert would be one of those events that if you went to it with your SO it would be amazing and special. Both of them love the music, and so many of the songs have special meaning for them as a couple. When I woke up on Saturday morning to get the kids up and ready for soccer I noticed I had an email from my exW -- that she sent at 2:45 am (after they got home from the concert) -- asking me a random Q about one of our kids' choices of afterschool activities. She was going to see me in person in about 6 hours and could have just waited to ask me in person but she had to email me when, or not long after, she got home from the concert? Who does that? It is so weird... Thinking about one of the kids' activities and wanting to email my exW about it would be one of the last things I would think about doing after getting home from a special concert like the one they went to on Friday night.

I also noticed this past weekend that she was very cold and distant when we were all out at the kids' soccer games. She wouldn't look me in the eye and barely spoke to me at the ballpark. ("All" meaning exW, OW, me, my GF, exW's parents.) But later when I went to drop the kids and their stuff off at her house -- by myself -- she was incredibly friendly, making eye contact, and completely different from the behavior at the ballpark.

All of this has happened over the past month... after nearly a year of relatively calm and peaceful behavior from my exW.

MLC is such a mess... I know it's hard on my end, and I am trying very hard to remind myself that what she is probably going through and dealing with inside of her head is so much worse than what I am dealing with. But it is such a mess...