Nothing significant since last post has happened but I thought I would write down my thoughts so I have a record of it. I haven't seen H since we had to put to sleep our dog a week ago & I'm feeling better. At the moment i'm reading a lot of book on spiritual healing. This is something that I have always been interested in but never fully did it as H thought that it was none sense!
The good thing about this break up is that today since my arrival here I didn't think about H, I really enjoyed my work and had loads of fun there. Today I saw a glimpse of who Rouky really is and that feeling was priceless.
I still pray to God, MIL and now my beloved dog, but no more about saving my marriage but about helping me become a better woman. Looking back H and OW have a lot more in commun than him and me ( I think the cultural difference took its toll on us). If he is happy than who am I to wish him not to be? I wished he would have been happy with me but I wasn't meant to be.
I'm still dreading meeting him as not seeing him lately means that I don't focus so much on him. I see him every other day, but for some reason this week it wasnt the case. I have noticed that I heal better and faster when I don't see him physically.
I won't push to say that I'm happy as Larry eveyday but for me minimal contact does me wonder. I'm carrying on with my life: work, kids ( even offered to help with one of my kids activity), reading. I miss having a companion to share things with but looking back H would forbid me to talk about my job and in the end for now it was like back then but the difference is that I don't have to be on eggshells all the time and watch what I could or couldn't say.
I have also stop all contact with my friend after a final rude comment a day after I lost my dog. She was there for me when I went through all of this, unfortunately she is stuck in anger, resentment and that was dragging me down. So I feel like a weight has been taken of my shoulder. I know I should feel bad because she helped me but when her H cheated on her I was there for her, but now it's time to move on from her negativity.
I'm a very negative person and I'm trying to change this and the last thing I want is someone getting me stuck while I want to be free like a butterfly!
On the dating side, I'm talking with people but nothing comes out of it. The funny thing is I should be flattered to get some attention, but honestly I can't be bothered. Don't want to think that I'll be single all my life, but I do know that at the moment I'm at the beginning of becoming a butterfly and I don't want anyone nor anything jeopardise this. Also you might call me naive but I don't think using dating website is natural and I prefer to see where my life is taking me and take it from here.
I still hope that I will find someone to share my life with but not to the price of my own happiness. I'm the price and I should be treat as such. The more I stand back the more I realise H is incapable of loving anyone but himself. I feel sorry for OW who has expectations. I truly believe that he is an energy sugar as he took all the best out of me, did the same with his first partner and probably OW.
If I was to get hit by a bus tomorrow I can look back on my life and say every time I took a decision based on my best knowledge. I was always done all I could for everyone, and I kept to my morals and values which I can't say much for H.
Sorry for the long post but it felt so good to write it.
