Mia, I'm talking to you like I would to my best friend, Job and Sotto are spot on, listen to them ( by the way it only took me 18 months to listen to them! I guess better later than never).
We cannot change the past and I know it really hurts but I know that at this moment (evening time in UK), my H is with OW and he isn't thinking about me, so why should I think about him! The only person that is hurting is you, not him. What we are dealing with isn't for the faint hearted, but could you anger be just because he is with OW and that you can't have what you want? I was for a long time like you, but losing my beloved pet put everything into perspective.
I have noticed that when I don't see H I'm much happier, and he doesn't deserve me. I have my fault in the breakdown of my marriage, but I was prepared to be unhappy for the rest of my life because I loved/love him. I can held my head high and say that I have values and morals. That is what makes you a kind and loving person. You can't undo the past but the future is ahead of you and plenty of good things will happen to you if you were to let go of the anger. I'm thinking of you, and it will honest get better but you need to let go of that anger and shift the focus on you. Please take care of yourself x
