I would swear I've prevously read your story. It was very similar, but after awhile, they all begin sounding eerily similar. Not saying it lessens your pain or the severity of your situation. The posters here are very supportive b/c they understand exactly what you are currently facing.
Follow Cadet's advice, and read the links he gave, b/c it is important information.
My suggestion is don't try to get your W to see reason about the MR, the OM, or much of anything else. This is not the girl you married, and you will need to look at her as if she is someone completely different from the one you knew.
We will be talking about a lot of things that may sound opposite to what you want to do. Although we hope you can save your M, we want you to save yourself, too.
The more marital history you can give us, the better we can help.
Has there ever been any type of inappropriate contacts with people of the opposite sex, before this affair?
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I have always loved her and did support her, not that she sees, but thought I would just let her do what she loved and eventually she would come back to me and be appreciative of what I had done.
That's not going to happen. It is not going to happen if you continue to accommodate her (like swap living in an apartment), and taking care of home and kids.......while she just focuses on what she wants without any responsibility for anything other than herself. It is not going to happen as long as you continue the same old relationship dynamics that you have allowed since you took a back seat to her life. It won't happen as long as you say you have no choice, and continue to do what she tells you. Start taking charge of your life, b/c you do have choices.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
