Her MLC: The Battle I Didn't Choose

[Brubeck]

I will work harder to put time aside to read through the DB book (I think I'm only 40 pages in). With my kids all over me, it's just been easier to lurk throughout the forums on my phone and look for posts that help me learn about the MLCer as well as other LBSs.

Ciluzen, ericmsant2, cat04 - I am not worried about an EA with anyone because these female friends are either sick of hearing about my sitch or what my perspective is on it (some DBers too). I chose to speak with female friends because I am more comfortable being vulnerable around them. I don't know how I am "vigilant" about any of these friendships, other than it's new for me to lean on people for help. Ironically, the one woman I have spoken to the most is gay. She has been generous in reminding me of things I need to remember about my sitch and keeping me PMA. She's been skillful at pointing out how juvenile so much of my W's behavior is, because I am taking her MLC so seriously. She's also the only female friend who didn't say she would have already bailed on the M if she were in my shoes.

I don't feel unlovable, I'm just looking for comfort. There's so much uncertainty, vulnerability, fragility and frailty. I'm not used to it. I know what I'm doing at work and with my kids, but I suppose I really don't know where I'm going. I just keep telling myself to savor my last days as a full-time father, however short or long they may be.

MrBond - I definitely contributed my 50% towards a stale marriage. We didn't plan on having a third child. Life got in the way and we were both overwhelmed with the workload of 3 children. The demands of the household were depressing to me and aggravating to her. We became roommates juggling parenting tasks. Looking back, I can see we were both stuck - as a couple and an individuals. If it wasn't for her MLC, we might be in the exact same place right now. I admit something had to change.

I see the "marriage crisis" as a side effect of the MLC. W decided to crash our marriage after her MLC set in. W didn't come to me saying "things aren't good, we have to work things out". She declared she was checking out as my wife, looking to sleep around and that a separation or a D was her only route to happiness ("I want to be free, I don't want to be here.")

W went dark over a month ago, now to the point that she's even stopped communicating about our kids, because she's trying to do it all herself to prove her independence. When I get home, I always make the point of asking 1) how the boys are doing and 2) what's going on with them today. "Fine" and "nothing" are the only replies I ever hear. Of course, she says these things just before tuning out the kids for her cell phone or to leave the house altogether.