Almost Home

[Ginger1]

Job, that made me tear up, because that is exactly what I need most days. Just a big hug. And I love strong coffee. I do drop the balls sometimes.... I do my best not to beat myself up so hard over dropping them anymore and just move on and do better. Some days I just cry and ask God how I am going to keep doing it. other days I high five myself for getting it done.

I texted my ex D9's very first picture on the day of her both with the 3 of us with me still on the OR table and then the one I took this morning. I said "9 years, crazy, right?" he actual texted something personal and nice. he said " the delivery is still fresh in my mind. We are so lucky, our girl is the prettiest" I have always been pretty convinced he's forgotten any part of our life together. We never really talk about it, once in a blue moon he will bring up a small memory, like a dish he liked that I cooked or something. But I am just pretty sure once OW came into his life, he flushed out any life we had together. I'm just glad he remembers that day. I certainly can't forget it, lol.

Wii, that's what everyone says about my exH. he loved me the only way he knows how to love. I think I just chose men who are not capable of fully loving in a way I need. Hopefully I won't let real love fly over my head when it finally comes over my way, lol.

I'm seeing 2 more places today before we go out to dinner. This weekend my friends and I are going to a winery and apple picking, then we are going to attempt to make apple pies form scratch. (none of us have ever done it before) Should be fun:)

[whatisis]

I like that you wrote "I chose"...otherwise you're just a helpless victim. Now it's time to choose better

[Rick1963]

G there is nothing wrong with you. You are smart beautiful and funny. I believe it is how you view yourself. You are not your divorce. You are not a failure of NG. You are who u want to be. You make the choice of how you want to feel. You can chose to be,happy or not. You have control of your feelings.

My brother has the hots for you. He loves your eyes. He always asks about you.if you tell him I told u I will deny it.

I told him u were single. He said "really such a pretty woman how can that be".

Time to get that self worth up a notch or ten. Nothing wrong with you

[Ginger1]

My brother has the hots for you. He loves your eyes. He always asks about you.if you tell him I told u I will deny it.

I told him u were single. He said "really such a pretty woman how can that be".

Time to get that self worth up a notch or ten. Nothing wrong with you

For real?! Awwww, he is so sweet ( you and your brother are gems). I enjoyed so much talking with him and your sister in law when I met them. They are really great people.

My self worth seems to bounce all over these days. We should never let others define it. But constant rejection makes you question yourself. I keep asking if there is something wrong with me, and not to sound conceited, but I can't figure it out. Of course I've got flaws and I mess up a lot, but I am human, and other humans don't have the love track record I do.

I did realize I have never had a successful romantic relationship. I don't define success as long lasting or never ending. My ex and I were a train wreck from the beginning to end. My others have not been real relationships, basically based on friendship, sex, and convience. exNG was more than that, there was love, but it was also dysfunctional from the beginning. he was in and out so many times, pretty much confused and always acting on his confusion. There was just no points of success in any romantic R's I've ever had.

I give others relationship advice and I have never had a healthy one myself. When people say I idealize, it's because that's all I have to go on. What I think would look and feel right and healthy to me.

D9's birthday was nice. She loved loved loved the slime box I got her. All stuff from the dollar store and it was like the best present she ever received. We took her out to dinner, ex and I get along just fine. I was a little stung when she opened the card from him and OWW and it was like a "from your parents" type card, describing the kind of girl who comes from "parents" I felt my stomach flip, and just shoved the feelings away and smiled. We came back to the house, had cake, and he left. he had her factime with his sister and cousins but never had his wife call her. So when he left, I told D9 to call her so she could wish her a Happy birthday.

D9 and I also saw 2 new condos. The one out of my price range we LOVED. It was amazing. So we are going to find out how motivated the seller is and put in a low ball offer. We shall see!

[ericmsant2]

Ginger

I just bounced over here and read your last post. Here are my Top 10....

1) As Rick said there is nothing WRONG with YOU.
2) Do I need to drive down there and remind you how amazing you are (big brother style, which involves booze
3) YOU are so amazing and not settling for the crumbs that some dude tend to shell out - that my dear is a good thing!
4) F*ck exNG. He does not deserve YOU. Period.
5) See # 3 again.
6) I am sorry about exNG...I truly am.
7) See # 4 again - he is NOT worth it and I believe he knows it.
8) Love you like a sister and I hope you know it.
9) You are amazing mom - stop doubting yourself
10) I know I said i would never again.....BUT.....I think I found Mr. Horse...and I mean HORSE. LOL.

Hugs....see you soon.

[SH_]

My self worth seems to bounce all over these days. We should never let others define it. But constant rejection makes you question yourself. I keep asking if there is something wrong with me, and not to sound conceited, but I can't figure it out. Of course I've got flaws and I mess up a lot, but I am human, and other humans don't have the love track record I do.

Others are not defining your self worth Ginger....
You are....
Rejection can do this to us, but there are good habits and things to be aware of that can change the way we think and project with this.
My d18 is teaching me this now as she embarks on her journey and challenge with how rejection has affected her.
Google "Get Rejected more"
read Trespicio

Love track record?
The is definitely a projection statement as you know in your heart that you can not compare to others as you have no way of knowing others challenges with this.
This is a time for you to look inward and you will untangle test thoughts and feelings my dear Ginger.

I did realize I have never had a successful romantic relationship. I don't define success as long lasting or never ending. My ex and I were a train wreck from the beginning to end. My others have not been real relationships, basically based on friendship, sex, and convience. exNG was more than that, there was love, but it was also dysfunctional from the beginning. he was in and out so many times, pretty much confused and always acting on his confusion. There was just no points of success in any romantic R's I've ever had.

You see the issues looking back.
This will help you looking forward.
And as you say, "Successful romantic relationship" how is this truly defined?
You get to define it.
Now you have experience to better define it for yourself now.

I give others relationship advice and I have never had a healthy one myself. When people say I idealize, it's because that's all I have to go on. What I think would look and feel right and healthy to me.

Sometimes the best advice is based on what not to do. You have learned from this. You share it with others.
I believe that your intent is good.
Your explanations and advice are sincere IMO.
This is good.
What is wrong with idealizing it?
If that is how you define it for you, then you must create the person in yourself to attract it.
You know what you want.
Now become what you want and you will attract it....

Everything that's coming into your life, you are attracting into your life. And it's attracted to you by virtue of the images you're holding in your mind. It's what you're thinking. Whatever is going on in your mind you are attracting to you! Bob Proctor

You have learned many lessons in what some may call a difficult way.
Do you want to know a secret?
Most successful people learned their lessons in the same manner.

You have not failed at love.....unless you give up.


Have you viewed the Ted Talk by Tracey McMillan?

This is a great place to start and create the YOU, that will attract exactly what you want in a love relationship. No matter how idealized you may dream it.

I have said it before and I will say it again.
I believe strongly that you are good people......

Keep pushing and you will find that which you are seeking in a relationship my dear Ginger.

(((((Ginger)))))

[whatisis]

hey G, while I don't agree that you "attract" these situations into your life, I believe you seek them. We all do! Human beings repeat patterns that they are comfortable with. You know how to play the game and it's comfortable. That's not being judgmental, just realistic. I'm a social worker and I see it all the time (and I'm also a victim of myself too at times!). People have little self awareness and when they get hit by the same truck over and over they say "how did that happen again?" YOU are beginning to see your part in how these relationships come into being. YOU seek what is familiar and comfortable. Now, the trick is to change that...and awareness is the first step and you're taking it. Kudos to you.
I also think the world of dating is kind of like a blood sport lol. When you go online you have to deal with multiple situations all coming at you at once. Rejection, deceit, uncertainty...you deal with all the broken stuff of others as well as your own! Your hopes rise and fall constantly. It ain't easy and it's emotionally hard sometimes. Know yourself and what you can handle, don't let others tell you how you should feel or not feel in your dating life...and it's Ok not to date.
Be true to you G...babbling over

[Ginger1]

I had such a busy draining day. My D9 decided to make her first call crying to come pick her up from the nurses office in her first full week....She said her neck hurt and I had to tell her no, I can't get her. Coincidentally it was the first night since last school year she had to wait at after care until 6:30 for her dad to pick her up. And she hasn't stayed at his house in 10 days. He was all pissy because she is moody and forgot her homework. She's mad at me for not picking her up...... anyways....

Through my nutty and busy day, I've been reading and re-reading the posts and I don't know if you guys have any idea how much they help.

Ginger

I just bounced over here and read your last post. Here are my Top 10....

1) As Rick said there is nothing WRONG with YOU.
2) Do I need to drive down there and remind you how amazing you are (big brother style, which involves booze
3) YOU are so amazing and not settling for the crumbs that some dude tend to shell out - that my dear is a good thing!
4) F*ck exNG. He does not deserve YOU. Period.
5) See # 3 again.
6) I am sorry about exNG...I truly am.
7) See # 4 again - he is NOT worth it and I believe he knows it.
8) Love you like a sister and I hope you know it.
9) You are amazing mom - stop doubting yourself
10) I know I said i would never again.....BUT.....I think I found Mr. Horse...and I mean HORSE. LOL.

Hugs....see you soon.

Eric, I love you, bro. Seriously. I'm one lucky girl to have such good close friends in my life. I never forget to count the blessings even when I'm overwhelmed and I feel like my life blows.

I was thinking about it and talking to my therapist tonight and if someone could have told me the outcome of my R with him, I still would have went through with it. I've had no regrets, honestly. I grew personally from it, I got to love again, and maybe I was even loved back, and I got that special bond with his D. I made such an awesome new group of friends, and I really did love the time I spent with him.I've been feeling down, because I miss it. I would not undo this in anyway, so never feel sorry. I meant to tell you that today, but I was on a house high, lol.

We discussed some other things regarding him I will keep off here:) But really, no regrets. I would even do it over again.

I take the gifts from all my experiences, and there was actually many to be had.

I also forgot about this horse you have in the stable? I did promise D9 I'd only date guys in NJ, but I am open to meet this horse......

[Ginger1]

My self worth seems to bounce all over these days. We should never let others define it. But constant rejection makes you question yourself. I keep asking if there is something wrong with me, and not to sound conceited, but I can't figure it out. Of course I've got flaws and I mess up a lot, but I am human, and other humans don't have the love track record I do.

Others are not defining your self worth Ginger....
You are....
Rejection can do this to us, but there are good habits and things to be aware of that can change the way we think and project with this.
My d18 is teaching me this now as she embarks on her journey and challenge with how rejection has affected her.
Google "Get Rejected more"
read Trespicio

Love track record?
The is definitely a projection statement as you know in your heart that you can not compare to others as you have no way of knowing others challenges with this.
This is a time for you to look inward and you will untangle test thoughts and feelings my dear Ginger.

I did realize I have never had a successful romantic relationship. I don't define success as long lasting or never ending. My ex and I were a train wreck from the beginning to end. My others have not been real relationships, basically based on friendship, sex, and convience. exNG was more than that, there was love, but it was also dysfunctional from the beginning. he was in and out so many times, pretty much confused and always acting on his confusion. There was just no points of success in any romantic R's I've ever had.

You see the issues looking back.
This will help you looking forward.
And as you say, "Successful romantic relationship" how is this truly defined?
You get to define it.
Now you have experience to better define it for yourself now.

I give others relationship advice and I have never had a healthy one myself. When people say I idealize, it's because that's all I have to go on. What I think would look and feel right and healthy to me.

Sometimes the best advice is based on what not to do. You have learned from this. You share it with others.
I believe that your intent is good.
Your explanations and advice are sincere IMO.
This is good.
What is wrong with idealizing it?
If that is how you define it for you, then you must create the person in yourself to attract it.
You know what you want.
Now become what you want and you will attract it....

Everything that's coming into your life, you are attracting into your life. And it's attracted to you by virtue of the images you're holding in your mind. It's what you're thinking. Whatever is going on in your mind you are attracting to you! Bob Proctor

You have learned many lessons in what some may call a difficult way.
Do you want to know a secret?
Most successful people learned their lessons in the same manner.

You have not failed at love.....unless you give up.


Have you viewed the Ted Talk by Tracey McMillan?

This is a great place to start and create the YOU, that will attract exactly what you want in a love relationship. No matter how idealized you may dream it.

I have said it before and I will say it again.
I believe strongly that you are good people......

Keep pushing and you will find that which you are seeking in a relationship my dear Ginger.

(((((Ginger)))))

I often do wonder how to start attracting what I want. Am I sending off the wrong vibe? I really don't know.

I do know exactly what I want. What I do wonder if I want in an R actually exists. I do know that no R is perfect, there will always be areas where couples differ or disagree. I never want to let someone go because things aren't the way I want to be. I know there is compromise and sacrifice for the good things in life, but I haven't found anyone willing to do compromise and sacrifice the way I do for others. I will give my all. I did so with my ex and got nothing in return and I think that is what repeats.

I do not meet men often, I do not date often. I am also way picky (doesn't seem so, but I am). Must love kids, must know I am a package deal, and without that connection, I really can't find the energy in me to find it with someone I don't click with right away.

What is a successful relationship? Well, I don't know. But I know there are successful points in relationships. Where things are going well, conflicts are handled well, both parites are happy and headed in the same direction. I have never been headed in the same direction with my partners.

I have alone longer than almost anyone I know, on here, or IRL to be single. To be doing it all on my own for so long. Somedays I think I am just going to break emotionally. In the same breath, I am not so needy that I will chose anyone.

Yes, I have learned everything the hard way my life. Any mistake I have made, no matter how minor, has come with a hard lesson. I listen and pay attention to all of them. The karma bus always slams into me. Nothing has every come easy, and I am used to it. So I work hard. Heck, even having a baby was an incredibly grueling difficult emotional and physical process. We couldn't just have sex the normal way, lol.I am not playing victim, it's just the way life has been and I have adapted well. I like to think I am making changes with each R from the lessons I learn, and one day, I will get it right.

I think you are good people too, SH. I read your thread. Youa re very insightful, down to earth, and really do learn from lessons. You breakdown everything that happens and see what you can take from it. I really, really admire that.

[whatisis]

What I've learned is not to overlook signs. I've discovered that people show you who they are really fast and when they do it's important to accept it and move along if their behaviour doesn't mesh with what your want or need. I used to just ignore these signs and tell myself not to jump to conclusions...but any time I did, I regretted it. I believe that when you come from a position of strength you can make those choices readily. I recently had a lady who was wonderful (a friend of a friend) but her sitch was just too much like my last relationship and I knew going there would not be a healthy choice for me...so I didn't go there. I felt badly and she was disappointed but setting myself up for another unhealthy relationship is not where I want to go.
So hang in there and trust your instincts with men...as you said, you knew early on that your last relationship wasn't going where you wanted it. You are an amazing lady and there is someone out there who will see that and fight to keep you!
Trust in the G's...God and Ginger!