Thank you for posting. My thread was getting dusty back there! I appreciate you encouraging me to post about my sitch, and honestly I often don't because I recognize that I am where a lot of folks can only hope to be. That does make it difficult to "complain" so to speak. I am also working on accepting where I am at, even if it doesn't always feel right.
I can relate to a lot of what Lim and Stormchaser post. There are stages of piecing and I am just figuring them out as I go along and trying to accept the process. If it were not for this site, I am not sure I would be hanging in there to be honest.
Here are the stages I have experienced thus far:
- Initial overwhelming relief (short lived) - Anxiety rapid cylcing with relief and frequent moments of extreme sadness (Put back on weight loss in the first year) - The longest stage has been anger and disbelief - Somewhere 12-18 months I settled into acceptance of what happened and apathy - Now I have reached a high level of detachment
I never reached detachment while we were separated or in the beginning of piecing. Perhaps that is where some of my frustration with others stems from. Hindsight is 20-20 and I suffered tremendously by holding on to H and hope so tightly. It wasn't until I let him go, found some strength and confidence, that he started to miss me and what we had.
Right now I feel fine. My life is relatively normal and calm. I don't know what will happen with my M in the long run. I do not have much motivation to work on things at the moment. I am okay with that too. I know H isn't going anywhere and in some ways I think he is waiting and hoping for me to come around more.
We will see. I am just trying to have faith in the process that I will feel differently over time. People and feelings are ever changing. I am focusing on me, my family, work, and just living life without extreme emotions. Those emotions can take over and become toxic.
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
