Confused on What to Do 2

[Eagle11]

Have you thought about giving your wife compliments on things she does and how she is dressed. Compliments go a long way when you have someone who is in crisis. I know you probably don't think she deserves to be recognized for doing some good things...but sometimes, it goes a long way. Maybe she is fishing for your reaction since she continues to bring up the om, and then again, maybe she wants you to take notice of her, as a woman and not just the mother of your children.

Job,
I have thought about this and I honestly don't really know what to do. I have wanted to compliment her on her looks, but I was afraid it would be considered as me pursuing her, which would push her away. I have not commented her on her looks since this started unless she has asked me. She is so self conscious and has low self esteem. I told her once that I can't win by complimenting her because she doesn't believe me and she admitted that might be partially true.

Learn to listen to what she's saying. If you can that, you'll learn more about where her head is at at this time. You have to sift through the mumbo jumbo and believe me, they do love to talk and brag about the stuff they are doing. I get it, you don't want to hear it, but this is one of the keys that we need to learn...to be better listeners and dig deeper for more patience.

I do need to listen better. I also think I need to stop twisting some of what she says. I think I sometimes overthink what she is saying if that makes sense. Sometimes when we talk she has our conversations go all over the place. Last night started about the cub scouts, moved to something she was watching on tv, then to these other guys, then to etc. She doesn't stay on topic very well and that's why she catches me off guard.

I agree...if you can't find anything nice to say, then don't say anything. The more you point out about the way you are living right now, the more guilt you are piling on her. You want to make your home a safe place for her to land and hopefully wake up some day and realize that you are the one she wants to stay with. The more negative things that you say to her, the less likely she's going to open up to you.

When in doubt, do nothing, say nothing.

This is good. I try to stay positive with her and I think that's why she made the comment that I act like nothings wrong. When she is not around you wouldn't believe the stuff I say about her or the stuff I'm going to do in regards to our M. I usually pull it together by the time we see each other and put on my happy face for her.