HalfTheMan & MLC-W

[HTM]

Somehow ended up in a couple of discussions over the weekend just gone; follow on of the separation conversation from last week. It started while W was just heading out the door to take Ss swimming and got the feeling she wanted to stay & talk more; evident by the follow up txt while at swimming w/ Ss…

W…
"I think we need to chat further. I determined for us to be in the same vicinity for the boys. If possible. I think you need to sort your job situation first. I am happy for you to out buy me if you can. If so I am happy for them to stay there with you. On the strict understanding we have joint custody. If you can't afford to which is unlikely and you are based in XXX we can discuss where we both might move to. I can locate to somewhere like XXX for example. Where the boys live in this case will need to be discussed but we should both create a home for them.

Despite appearances I am working through my grief about you and the marriage. I do and will continue to believe our marriage to be a success despite what's happening now. It's just come to an end for me and it's time for me to start again. I understand you may feel differently. But life will be good again for both of us as some point. I'm tired of fighting with you. I just want a peaceful resolution devoid of the bitterness that's gone on before. I know I've hurt you and I have to live with that. But you'll move on and will find someone who can love you in the right way.

Me...
I still care for you deeply & worry about you more than you realise, don't feel that'll ever change. If you want to talk more about plans I'd be open to that.

I can see W trying to control or push my decisions wrt job/accommodation but I do wonder about the joint custody point. The way I see it, if I stay in the home/local I'd have them for the majority of the time, i.e. school week, so why stress that? Incidentally, my reply was more about laying a longer term foundation as in all the heated R talks/arguments so far, I haven’t stated anything like this.

So when we continue the conversation later at home, W still maintains she wants a fresh start away from where we currently live. Although, instead of moving 100+ miles away she’s backtracked slightly, now looking to move approx 30miles away & in the opposite direction; perhaps there isn’t a fantasy plan to be w/ OM after all!? Anyway, get the impression she changed her mind because I’m resolute about staying local -in the family home if I can finance buying W out- to lessen the impact on Ss wrt the split, i.e. minimise other major changes/upsets in their lives wrt schools/friends/family/etc. W persists w/ her thinking that the kids are ‘resilient’ and will cope with the separation as well as the upheaval of changing schools, leaving friends behind, etc. should it come to that. I of course, and anyone in their right mind, would disagree.

In one part of the discussion W mentions about being friends after the separation but I only offered to work towards an amicable co-parenting R. At some future time I may change my mind on this but that will be 'my' choice.

Have contacted S11’s school so they’re aware of the situation/separation and asked they monitor & advise me of any emotional behaviour problems that arise; will speak to S8’s school to the ask the same tomorrow.

W has been interacting w/ Ss a lot more over the last few weeks which I’m pleased about. This weekend she ran Ss to sports/activities and helped with homework; much like pre-BD w/ family interactions almost back to normal, and the non-R conversations we had were even pleasant! I’ve seen similar behaviour from my W before and so have no expectations that this will last. I’m suspicious that there could be an ulterior motive as well, perhaps the upcoming 1st Mediation appointment scheduled for next week.

Over the weekend I find out that my W has cancelled/dropped the Non-Molestation Order. Apparently this was discharged a couple of weeks ago so I’m miffed as to why she didn’t mentioned this sooner. Also concerned why the court didn’t try to contact me or L about this. Still, don’t look a ‘gift horse in the mouth’ right? But boy am I glad to have the pressure of automatic police arrest lifted from me. W did seem to think that the recent calm R/separation discussions are a result of her raising the court order but IMHO it’s because I’m becoming less emotionally engaged and now more closely following DB guidelines & forum advice; didn’t state this though ;-)