I am sorry that you are feel so much anger towards your h. There's nothing you can do about him, but you can change the way you react to that situation. Take that anger and put it to good use. How to do that? Start walking/running, if you hate to clean house, then start cleaning it, get a pillow and beat it to death until you release that anger. You are allowing him and what he's doing to control the way you feel. Step away from it a bit. He's certainly not perfect and never was and to beat a dead horse to death every time he does something is not going to help you heal. You have to accept the fact that he's gone for now and he is living his life the way that he wants to. You, on the other hand, are now left w/being the sole adult/parent in your family. Your focus has to be on you and your children. Trust me, when I say this, your children are picking up on your stressful and angry vibes and they do not need to be subjected to this. Breathe!
Mia, please go back and re-read what Sotto has posted to you. She's right, you can only be in control of yourself, you are the only one responsible for you. Yes, you get frustrated w/your h and what he's doing...but guess what...he doesn't care what you think at the moment. Leave him out there and keep your expectations of him at zero.
Mia, turn your focus back on to you and your children. Leave him out there on that island of La La Land for a while. If it will help you, pretend he's off on a long trip around the world and won't be back for a long time. But, you've got to start moving forward and focusing on you and what you can do to make your life a bit happier for you. Let me ask you this, what would your life look like had he died? How would you have handled being a single parent? Well, basically the man you knew has died and been replaced w/a different model, same cover. The man you knew is gone and may or may not return for a long time. The marriage you had is now dead/gone. So, what would you do differently?
Mia, you've got to find a way to channel that anger and resentment. I don't want to see you get stuck and become a bitter person just because he's out there doing his own thing and not being responsible and accountable for his actions.
Breathe!
Sotto
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
