Learning, growing and believing....

[mleigh4]

Thank you Sotto and Job. I guess I sense the attempt to connect, hence the guilty feelings.

Lately I can't stop going back to those dark days. I am feeling my frustration and unhappiness, and the pain....definite depression I was in. Why couldn't H see that I was not myself? That I was going through something? Couldn't he see something was off? These are just questions I ask myself....

So, I mentioned to my mom this weekend, how I have been thinking back to those days, how dark they were. She said, oh ya, you were terrible, it was terrible for S and I to deal with. I know better to try and talk to my narcissistic mother so the conversation ended, but once again, someone I should be able to lean on only sees and voices how they were effected, not what I was going through.

So a big life lesson, another great lesson, that I have learned through this experience......when you see someone you care for is going through a difficult time, that they are not themselves, the person you know so well, you just need to be there for them, and put your own needs aside.

I wish my H was able to do so....unfortunately he wasn't. But I intend to be that person, in fact, I think I have been with H for a long time.

Now, if I could just get my head back and away from that time, the blues I have been feeling might go away.