So many times, I sense my H feels and wants more, but isn't ready and doesn't know how to go about just saying that (like Lou's H did) Instead, I get the typical speech.
I want to give you an idea of how long it took my from h starting to have thoughts and feelings for me to actually saying something and then doing something.
He has told me he started thinking about me more than usual end of January/Feb 15, at that time I had no contact with him and did not involve myself in his life at all. He then started sending me random emails (I was in the UK at this time), they were unnecessary and generally waffle, until one day late feb when he said he understands if I dont wish to have contact with him. This was him testing the waters to see if I was still talking to him.
He sat on the feelings and thoughts that were increasing until April. This was a phone call (I was back in NZ by then), he waffled on about this and that and then said "I do wonder if I have made a mistake". That is all I got from him at that point. May 15 he rang in a mess, deeply depressed and did not know what had happened or why. This is when he told me about the feelings and thoughts he had been having about me. That is 5 months since they started.
Even though I knew about them nothing happened until September 15 when he understood that I was who he wanted to be with. Oh if it was that easy ......
Fast forward a whole year and he finally in August 16 made sense of everything he has been feeling about me and feels its real and here to stay. He has had a lot of therapy to get him to this realization.
He tells me that he felt a lot of confusion surrounding having renewed feelings, it wasn't supposed to happen, he left because he no longer had them for me, so it did not feel right that he should have them again. He then went through a very long stage of guilt and shame and the only way he could cope with that was by not acting upon the romantic feelings he was having, he just wanted the friendship side because he missed me in his life, enjoyed my company, just could not move forward any further than that stage.
M, it takes a long time for them to make sense of what they feel and how to deal with it. Your h left you, not because he no longer cares for you, but because the love he felt was no longer there for him, in his head he wanted and needed something else. Now you have detached yourself from him mentally, he senses that, he is seeing the changes in you and he will most likely be feeling things he did not expect to.
What he does with these feelings is up to him, it will take him a while to decide. What you do is up to you.
This is only my opinion, but if I were you I would continue on with your own life, you are in such a good place and are moving forward with great strength; you are a great role model to all of us here. IF your h is starting to see you in a different way, then it is up to him to sort himself out and "get the girl", with the knowledge it may be too late. This is where the tables have turned m, you have control over you, your life and where you want it to take you.
