Ok, seriously I am not making a call out of country. We are in debt and I am looking for work. I'd love to actually determine what I should or should not be doing. But making an expensive call? That's one thing I know I shouldn't be doing.
Mistakes I've made since I the beginning of summer: 1) I was told to start intitiating sex. (No time limit, no stated or else, but it hung in the air) I tried vaugely and got shot down when I thought I'd done it right early and so just started masturbating like mad. (I can't follow my train of thought from that period I was a freaking mess) 2) apparantly promising to paint the kitchen and forgetting it. (It's done now, but I started after she told me that we're going to separate. Admittedly it's been needing new walls for 6 years... ) 3) sort of letting the kids know where getting separated. (Not quite sure how. They were asking questions of me that seemed really on the nose. But we've both told them together now) 4) told my pastor in confidentiality. (the midtake was admitting to my wife that I told him, but I asked him 3 times that this wouldn't go further thsn him or me. Now she is GIVING ME the church. Seriously biggest mistake I ever made. 5) had a very private conversation about the separation with my mom after being practically forced to do so by my wife. Then I let her havr my phone to see some photos I'd taken of the kids. Got hit with accusations about getting facts wrong about what's been going on in this process. (I'm so happy I don't keep this page on my browser) though she cleared something up that's been worrying me from the start, she isn't spending more money than usual on clothes apparantly.
I amd close to giving up. We're going to family councelling soon. Where she ecpects that we'll talk sbout how to divy up the time with the kids and other financial matters. I promised myself when I booked it that I'd give it an honest go of convinving her to stay, so even though I currently think that's not a wise choice I'm going to do it anyway. I have no idea whst the councelor wants.
Anyway, yeah. I'm no saint. I've no idea how to "grow up" and I've no idea how to fix my life
