This is what I see. and I say this because I could be like you, AND I have been in your wife's shoes.
When I feel resentment build up, something tiny can set me off. I am calm as a cucumber until something small blows my top. From over here, your wife just asks you about a renamed wifi (seemingly innocent to her and over here) and you let it all out over the wifi password. She said it during your bad day and related her asking about wifi to not getting sex and feeling taken advantage of. Ouch from her point of view. ANd major props to her for handling so much in kind! She offered you dinner, validated and communicated. her dinner offer was because she could feel you were stressed and wanted to help you in a way she hoped would help.
So the way your wife acted was great. I used to try to diffuse situations like that. I finally became resentful and exhausted let became a b!tch. Not even going to lie!
My poor D9. I get overwhelmed often with my multitude of responsibilities, constant boundary and button pushing and not much appreciation. But she is a 9 year old. Sometimes she does one little thing after the 9 things I managed to remain calm mommy with, but that 10th tiny thing and I let it all out. I've learned finally to step back from the moment and really analyze what is going on, and handle it when I am calmer and less stressed.
maybe these talks do need to happen with her. But not when you are in the midst of resentment, frustration, or anger. I learned nothing good ever comes of that.
Her "I've tried" is because in that moment she felt like she failed you.
