Over all a good weekend. Took the kids to the beach on Sat with some friends, had a great time. Even took about an hour to be out in the water by myself, which felt magical and therapeutic. Don't know what MLC-WW did the whole day while we were gone, didn't ask.
Now for the mind reading part of the program: I noticed yesterday that she offered to make a plate of breakfast for me while doing the same for our son. And says I should take a nap (because I'd been up very late working to meet a deadline). What??? She's thinking about me now? But then in the afternoon she mentions that I should check out this sports-related Meetup group. That stabbed me in the heart, because we have a friend who divorced and eventually met someone great through Meetup, and, prior to all our recent marriage problems, she (my W) has mentioned many times in conversations with people how Meetup is a better way for single people to meet than online dating websites. I left the room immediately because I just could not stand being there.
But this morning when discussing after-school activities for our son, she says we need to have dinner together as a family more often, because some of the after-school activities are getting in the way. She also mentions how we need to go live in a developing country for a while so that our teenage D can see how ridiculously spoiled and self-obsessed Americans are. These are the first mentions of staying together as a family and future-talk I've heard in months.
When you're sitting out past the breakers waiting for waves, it feels like you're fairly stationary, but after a while you realize how much you've been pulled along by the current. You can see this clearly when you surf near a cliff or rocks -- you see yourself moving respect to a landmark. Not only do you realize that you're being pulled along slowly by a current, you also realize that with every surge of wave, you're washing back and forth, even if the patch of water you're on is flat and smooth, and the waves themselves aren't breaking on top of you.
My brain is in overdrive trying to mind read, but I realize it's futile. I'm adrift and don't know which way the current is flowing. My heart wants to feel hope, but I can imagine my MLC-WW simply making a new effort to divorce me in a different way.
It's like what you-all say. I can only control what I can control: me. Someone going through MLC with the baggage of lifelong psychological issues isn't going to get to a healthy place overnight.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
