She told you before to stop your negative behaviors and you didn't. Just because you now have "woken up" to how bad things were for her doesn't mean that she still has to follow your pace. It's like you expect her to do what you want when you want. This is her way of getting away from that control.
Too many times I've seen LBSs get caught up in their anger, yet they forget their spouse hinted or told them about the problems before the bomb drop. Yet the LBS just ignores it.
She told you about the things that bothered you and you blew it off. Would you want to live with someone who doesn't listen to your needs?
I think a few days ago, I brought this point up, again, maybe at not the best time, and I apologize for that.
You should only own your own stuff and not be so hard on yourself. She should own her stuff. But when you say "I came to her ready and sorry and she unilaterally decided she was done"
When she came to you, mentioned the things that bothered her, things that needed to change in the relationship, in a sense you walked away by taking no action and blowing it off. that's how she perceives it. You were done by not taking action.
Yes, the final decision of divorce was hers. She is not ready now as you were not ready then. You were not at her pace then, and she is not at her pace now. The whole blame does not lie on her, nor does the whole blame lie on you.
I know the separation of the family is crazy painful. I happened to walk by a chuckie cheese after going in to buy balloons for my D's 2nd birthday for when she got home from celebrating her Bday with her dad. I had no clue what they were doing. Well, I found out when I saw my D, my ex, his OW celebrating in chuckie cheese. I watched my daughter's second birthday from the outside and wanted to die.
My D's bday is tomorrow and since that day, my ex and I made a pact that it is just the 3 of us on her bday.
I know your pain, I really do. Sometimes we look for anyway to ease the pain. We think maybe totally blaming ourselves, or totally blaming our spouses will ease it.
I would have been the WAW one day. Our m wasn't good, he was awful to me since we were dating. But I wouldn't have walked. I'm pretty sure of it. I would have lived in misery, and maybe regretted it one day. That's why for the second time around, I am taking everything I can from DB to make the best decisions for myself and relationships that I can.
