You know, I'm thinking there's some merit to not denying someone the pleasure of doing something for you. This time, I'm not going to quote PM (wheew) but rather refer to Relationship Cure by Gottman. It's very interesting to "overlay" these two guys. Schnarch actually thinks that communication is NOT the sole cure, and compared to PM, I would agree but the two books can compliment each other very well.
When your W does and AOS for you, I doubt it's a conscious "bid for emotional connection" (BFEC hereafter). When you do an AOS for her, or you try to stop her, you are trying to turn it into a BFEC for yourself. I bet this inadvertently puts pressure on W because she now has to "turn to", "ignore" or "reject" your BFEC. In these examples, she might be nicely acknowledging your gesture but she's "rejecting" the BFEC. Are you following me....
Heck, if the 5 LLs were the only thing we needed to be "desirable", then it would be so easy to pick up girls. Your W, instead of wanting/needing different "behavior" in the form of LL dispersion is also wanting/needing a different "you" that she feels comfortable "extending herself" for. This defies our logic and still eludes me. I've discovered that the LDW is a tricky one because the formula is so cryptic but it involves being a somewhat "stereotypical male" even-though your W might say she despises people like than. It's strange.
I'm not sure if I'm helping. I'm just trying to throw stuff up and see if it sticks.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
