Her MLC: The Battle I Didn't Choose

[Brubeck]

I will try to rattle this off as quick as possible.

W starts her new job tomorrow. Part time, first one in a decade. She spent Friday and Saturday night out late with friends, and spent all daytime hours on the phone. She ignored back-to-school paperwork for the boys and ignored S8's weekend homework and ignored the paperwork from her new job for new employees. She did everything last minute Sunday night. She's nervous, running around trying to keep herself busy. She even cooked tonight, which she hasn't done since I-don't-know-when. It was even a new dish. The boys and I weren't around for dinner anyway. She took out needle & thread to sew a bra she wanted to wear tomorrow, then she decided to sew 3 or 4 more bras while standing at the kitchen counter. She was a little cranky with everybody in the house. Running around doing loads of laundry.

I never send W texts unless it's a to-do list, but I will send her a congratulatory text tomorrow about her job. "Good luck. It's gonna be fun. You will kick ass." I'm sure she will not respond.

W told her friend she saw OM Saturday night. It was a girls night drinking at someone's house and he showed up because all the girls were also grade school alumni. W said OM was friendly but kept his distance from her. They haven't seen each other or spoken in a week. She thinks the PA is over. Whatever. She asked him to take her home, and he refused at first, out of fear that I would see him drop her off, so she told him told drop her off at the corner. On the ride home she noticed he wouldn't mention his W or his MR, which he's still working on (uh huh). I wonder what woke him up, if anything. Also, I shouldn't mind-read, but just what kind of guy wants to crash a get-together of women drinking wine and eating Chex Mix? Doesn't this guy know any dudes who drink beer and watch sports?

In seeking counsel about my W's MLC, one of the many people I reached out to for an open ear (before I found DB) was an old friend. She and I were immediate best friends our freshman year of high school, but she transferred to another school after that and I didn't see her for decades. We connected on Facebook a couple of years ago. Earlier this year, I reached out to her out of sheer desperation to discuss my MLC sitch - and she responded, she listened and empathized. She reminded me - just like the rest of you DBers - that it's her, not me. I review my first thread and realize I need 2x4's for this. Everybody keeps saying it's her, not me - but I keep asking for reminders.

My friend shared her own tough time marriage stories and we also talk about parenting stuff. She's been kind enough to send me a once-a-week text just asking "Hey, are you hanging in there?" Today I went to the office for a few hours to play catch up, crazy busy. As I'm preparing to leave I get a call from my friend. She's passing my neck of the woods coming back from her boyfriend's house and wants to know if we can do a last minute play date with our kids. I get so excited, I tell her I'm leaving the office right away. I bicycle home fast, get the boys ready, and meet at the nearest McDonald's that has a Playland.

I buy dinner for the boys and set up at the largest table. She and her two kids arrive just five minutes after me. She almost throws her tray to the nearest table and runs over to hug me, screaming. We embrace for probably 10 seconds with the eyes of every parent looking at us. She notices the other parents looking and exclaims "we were best friends our first year of high school, I haven't seen him in 25 years!"

She is the 42-year old incarnation of the her I remember from 1990 - Molly Ringwald in a tank top with long purple hair and arms covered in tattoos. We've been texting & talking for about 5 months, but we have not seen each other in person in 26 years. We last saw each other at 15, and here we are reuniting at 42 with our kids in tow, all because of the internet. Sometimes the world is an alright place!

We got the kiddos settled with food and talked. It was casual. We discussed parent stuff, work politics, music, the lighter side of things. She loved my boys - everybody falls in love with S4. He's a gentle giant, a total sweetheart, everybody wants to keep him! My boys and her two kids got along great.

Here's the thing - she knew my sitch and that dealing with my W's MLC was almost a daily ordeal, but she did not ask me about it once! I don't know if this was intentional or not on her part. For the hour or so where she and I were talking in that McDonald's playland, I completely forgot that I was a LBS. I didn't realize it at the time, I only figured this out when I got home. When you're enjoying peace, that absence of stress / worry / fear - whatever it is - sometimes you're just fulfilled kicking back and taking it easy. I have to make more time for that.

We all left together, we strapped our kids in our cars, hugged each other goodbye, and cemented plans for another playdate next weekend. Somewhere on the drive home, the realization of my sitch began to creep back in. The heaviness of it, the negativity of my own perspective, the fear, the stress, the worry, the anger...all of it returned. I don't want to feel this way all the time, and yet, I return to it. This is something I must overcome somehow.

Good God, I just realized I am so sick of cooking every day. I am dying to eat an adult meal at a restaurant. This is next on my list...