Divorce. Thanks Obama

[qt4x11]

If my wife wants to leave me, what can I do about it? Nothing. If I try to say or do things to make her change her mind, it only makes me look worse and makes her more determined. I’ve kind of given up at this point, I feel like I’m just torturing myself and it’s only pushing her away. So I’m just trying to stay busy and ‘work on myself’. It’s been grim. I feel like the best I can do is to not think about the divorce as much as possible, but keeping myself busy is not doing much to lift my spirits. It just helps me get through the day. On top of that I keep thinking about the kids and how their world has been absolutely turned upside down because of the selfishness and vindictiveness of my wife. At this point I have a lot of resentment towards her. She goes around acting like she’s the world’s greatest mother, and when it comes down to it she doesn’t give a d*** about her kids, or her marriage vows. In the end the most important thing to her is walking away with half my money, her ‘independence’, ‘finding herself’, whatever the f*** that means - probably what that means is going out to bars with her stupid friends, trying to recapture the single life, and dating guys to find the next person to take care of her.

This weekend was my daughter’s birthday, my brothers and cousins helped me plan a get together for her at Gameworks Sunday afternoon, which is like a classier version of Chuck E. Cheese. Basically we ate (pretty good) bar food and pizza, and the kids ran around and played video games for a few hours with their little cousins. Everyone had a blast. I’m still sort of a mess emotionally, I’m not fit to be around people really, if I had my way I would not leave the house or interact with anybody, even my close family. This is my little girl’s birthday however, so I did my best to be there for her so she would have a good time. Things got messed up, though. I lost track of time because my son drained my phone of all its batteries, and I had to rush my kids home because their mom was supposed to pick them up at 7 and we were running a half hour late. I took the kids and left abruptly, I think everyone was surprised that we had to leave so suddenly. I went from having a really special day with my kids, to feeling rushed and stressed out. The divorce situation continues to hang over everything and spoils whatever small amount of happiness I have in my life.

My daughter did not want to leave, she wanted to enjoy her party with her friends, but we were late for ‘the exchange’ with my wife. My kids were telling me on the ride home that they wanted to stay with me. I wanted them to, but of course I have no say in this situation. It’s still a huge shock to my system to have to ‘exchange them’ with their mom every week. These are kids that I fell asleep with every night, attended to every minute of their lives, and woke up every morning with them somehow crawled into bed with me in the middle of the night. To not be able to see them or even know what is going on in their lives 50% of the time is a hell on earth for me. When my wife pulled up to pick them up, I left all of their suitcases, carseats, toys, and backpacks on the front porch, kissed my kids and told them to go out to their mom. I didn’t want to see my wife, I’m hurting right now and I can see that my kids are hurting, they’re confused and in shock at all of the major life changes that my wife is putting everyone through. For no other reason that she doesn’t care enough about us to want to work on the marriage and fight for her family.