I Guess husband is stuck in a MLC

[AmyTx]

Thank you for your advice. Yes .. I have been doing a lot of the reading but just really overwhelmed. I have need working extra hours because I don't trust myself to not contact him.

And .. I guess I should be lucky, but my stbx canceled on me today. Which then makes me wonder why? Which I shouldn't. So I went to the gym and food prepped for the week. I know others have made it through this. And I have good and bad days .. But today has been really heard. I keep focusing on why he left and what changes I should have made. I have lost some weight and I'm now 35 pounds from where I was when we married.

I know the last few months were rocky and I was still recovering from my thoracotomy / lung cancer -- but I am absolutely miserable right now. At least during my cancer treatment I could trust he doctors. Now I'm just lost.

All my family and friends tell me I'd be better off, and I don't want to be left again, but don't want to be in this place right now in my life. I miss my husband, my best friend, my helpmate. I know I need to get stronger .....

I have joined a support group, but I guess I need to find someone else to talk to bc I don't want to keep rehashing it with the few friends and family I have told. Next month would have been our 17th wedding anniversary and I feel like a spoiled child throwing a tamptrum, but I miss him ...