One of 2 things could be happening. Sandi, is it possible that she could be trying to change the dynamics of her relationship w/OM?
No, you are wishful thinking.
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Or do I just forget all subtleties and assume that her waywardness is here to stay?
As long as she has the OM.......and has everything you supply too, she won't have a reason to change from her waywardness. She is getting the best of both worlds.
I wish LBH'S would realize that WW's do not feel guilty!! She is not going to suddenly straighten up b/c she feels guilty for how she is treating you. She feels justified......not guilty.
She will never feel remorse as long as you gobble up the crumbs she throws at you, and there are no consequences for her infidelity. What brings a person to repentance? Suffering from the choices/lifestyle they make. In other words, consequences for her wrong will open her eyes and give birth to remorse in her heart.
It won't come while she continues in the affair. She has to end the affair, and may have to go through the withdrawals, before she will experience remorse and humility. But don't expect it as long as she is able to disrespect you and you are tolerating it. Please get this in your head. It is all about her loss of respect for her H, and if you continue doing what made her disrespect you in the first place...........her loving feelings will never return.
It started with your passivity with her, and it grew to her resentment and disrespect for you. Her waywardness has led to rebelling against you/MR by having an affair. Can you see why you can't continue being passive and expect a different response from her?
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As far as soft touch go's,, I'm really not sure what my reaction should be? Right now during the times that I am questioning if there is an attempt of T&G, I try to just accept and not refuse the attempt or throw it back. Most of the time I just act as if nothing is occurring and leave it at that. Just like last night, she came into the living room and watched a movie with me, just the 2 of us. She kept her phone with her and was texting on it part of the time. I acknowledged her watching the movie with me and we had small discussions throughout the movie which she was happy to join in. Then today business as usual and openly rude behavior. She still avoids time and space around or with me which is why I am left wondering when she spends any time with me at all.
So look at this ^^^^^^^^^ and tell me, what has she lost, due to her affair and her show of disrespect? You claim she has rude behavior, but you don't seem to understand she has such contempt that she doesn't care how it makes you feel. Stop acting like a docile H. She fired you! Start changing the dynamics. As long as you are passive, she will detest you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
