Once again this morning, I found myself alone in the kitchen, looked around and saw an opportunity, so I did some general tidying and cleaning before making my lunch. Put dishes in the dishwasher, put things away, cleared the table, etc. Nothing major, I didn't do any hand-washing or anything, but by the time W came into the kitchen, it was looking pretty neat and tidy. As she came in, I was just scraping some scrambled-egg residue from the fry-pan into the garbage. She said "Honey, you don't have to do that..." and I said something like "I don't mind." She said "You don't have to go overboard... you don't have to do ALL my work for me (it'd be nice, but...)..." so I said "I'm not 'going overboard', I just want you to know how much I appreciate the efforts YOU'RE making."
Now, it's difficult to portray the exact nuance here, because I can't really put across things like tone of voice. She wasn't irritated, and there was a smile in her voice, as if she was enjoying my attentions, but I got the feeling that maybe she also feels slightly uncomfortable about it, so I started thinking that maybe I should back off a bit with the AOS and WOA, but I'm not sure. A little later, though, I remembered that "friend" is coming over for tea this morning, so I do think my efforts in the kitchen will be appreciated on that level at least. I've written about this "friend" before - she's somewhat toxic these days, although I think (I hope) I've given W a bit of an innoculation against her... I reminded W that she can just choose to ignore "friend's" complaints and jibes, and just let it roll off her back. It's going to be very interesting to hear how this visit goes, because it's the first time since before Christmas that "friend" has been to our house. Since that last visit, we've bought new LR drapes (NICE ones), repainted, and acquired a big wide-screen TV. These are all things that "friend" is likely to "complain" about, as in "oh, I wish we could afford a wide-screen TV..." (her H makes probably double what I do). We'll also be seeing "friend" at choir practice this evening. Should be interesting.
Anyway, getting back to the AOS question, I'm wondering if I should go slower? Maybe I'm "flooding" her, and making her uncomfortable? Or if I back down now, will she be like "oh, okay, I knew he wouldn't keep it up"? I once heard an analogy that might pertain here... if you're trying to start a fire with flint and tinder, you strike the flint and get a spark going, then you blow gently to get it going. If you blow too hard, you blow the fire out. Maybe I'm blowing too hard... I sure don't want to "blow it"...
